It's been one year. The longest, and toughest, of my life. It's the little things that I miss, the most. Seeing your toothy smile. Holding your hand. And just talking. I miss my best friend.
It's crazy. I've always known, that you are my best friend. My buddy. And my protector. But it's in the last year, that I've really felt it most. Even if you are not with us on earth, you are with me. And that's all I need. To know you are in my heart, in my memories, and with me...when I need you most.
I think about all the promises I made you. And how hard, I've tried to keep them. There have been so many things, that were out of my hands. But I'm positive...you understand. I now know, exactly what you meant. About people. And although most of what you said, came true, I'm glad you could give them, the forgiveness they were seeking.
You are still my role model. There are new things, that I learn every single day, about the man you were. The way, you positively, touched so many lives. How you gave, to so many. Without wanting anything at all, in return. No glory, to acknowledgement, no compensation. You are my hero! And I will spend my lifetime, continuing to do your work.
I will continue with your dreams, passion, and work. For as long, as I can. Because that's what you taught me. It wasn't the words. But your actions, that really influenced my life. And I will never, forget everything you did for me. And for Mom. I promise, I will always look after her. And protect her.
When I look forward, and realize, you will not be here anymore...it saddens me. I know that it shouldn't. You are in the arms of our Lord. Not feeling any pain. And enjoying all those, who have gone before us. But it still saddens me.
I think about simple things. Like not having a strawberry shake with you. Never having another heart to heart. Not having your big, strong arms, to hold me. When life gets too tough. Who am I supposed to call at 3AM?
Then I think about some of the big moments, that lie ahead. You'll never get to meet my husband. To get to know who his is. To grill him. To let me know, what you really think. My heart gets really sad, when I think about you, never getting to know my babies. You'll never hold them. And love them. The way you loved so many. So hard. But I do have the faith, that somewhere in Heaven, before they are given to me, you will know them. And that comforts me.
It's hard to not look at this day, as a painful one. Filled with heartbreak. And longing, to just see you one more time. All the details, of last year, flood my brain. All the memories, come racing back. All the same emotions, fill my body.
The only relief I get, is that you are no longer suffering. That God, is protecting you know. And that you are making a place, for Mom and I, to one day join you. For all those months, it killed me, to see you suffering. To see you, in so much pain. Unable to do, so much!
I am grateful for you Dad. In more ways, than I can ever sit and write about. So very grateful for your life. The life you gave me. The love you always showed. The lessons you taught me. The friendship we had. I'm grateful that you are a fighter. And fought the cancer. With every single thing you had. And that you fought, to stay on this earth, with Mom and I.
This entire journey, has changed me. As it changed you. I don't know if I'll ever travel, the same roads again. The same journeys, in life. The paths, that I was once on. But I do know, that I've learned what is important in this life. Because of you. Because of your journey. And your struggles. Because of the things you have taught me.
I still feel your presence. Every single day. I feel closest to you, in church. Which is no surprise to me. I can feel, when you wrap your arms around me. I know that you send me songs, when I'm thinking of you. Even if they make me cry, I'm grateful. And I know, that you keep sending people to us. When Mom and I need them most, you send us the most loving people.
It really has been a year of learning. Learning who is really concerned, with Mom and I's well being. Who really cares, loves, and respects us. Who we can trust. Everything that you told me, has happened. And as sad as it makes my heart, it has strengthen Mom and I's relationship so much!
I don't know what lies ahead. What my future will bring. Or how my life, will unfold. But I do know, that you are my hero. My role model. And my Daddy. No one can ever change that! 31 years, simply was not enough time. But really, if we had 100 years, it wouldn't feel long enough either.
You have taught me so much. About life. People. Faith. Most of all, you taught me how a man should treat a woman. How they should take care of their family. And how they should love. You taught me, how I should be treated. And to never, accept anything less.
Over the years, I've also learned how to never give up. To keep fighting. Until there is nothing. To fight, until my very last breath. You taught me that. And you taught me to work, as hard as I can. To dream as big as I can. And to always chase those dreams. It's the only way, we become better people.
But the most important thing, you ever taught me, was how to love. With every fiber of my being. To love hard. To long strong. And to love always. To take care of "my people'. To always do everything possible, to make sure, they are OK. To love our family. To guide our family. And to protect our family.
When we said our goodbyes, I didn't realize, our family was losing our Shepherd. And our Superman. You were our rock. .For so many. Not just your children. But for all your friends and family. We've all had a hard time, adjusting to life, without you by our sides.
My life, is so blessed. Because I call you Daddy. And you loved me, with every single fiber, of your being. I won't ever forget that. Not as long as I live. And I will continue to share your story, with as many people as possible. Letting people know, just how amazing you are! I LOVE YOU DADDY BIRD! More than I can ever express. May you rest in peace, with the angels, forever and ever!
Love You ALWAYS,
Your Little Morning Glory
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