Then I realize, life doesn't just end. We're all walking a tough road. Sometimes, it feels heavier, than it is. But we all have those struggles. We just need to remember, not to give up.
In the last 11 months, there have been many difficult days. But they didn't start on March 20, 2015. No. In fact, the difficult days, started years before. When we had no answers. When my Dad, was just mysteriously sick. Unable to walk. Sleeping. Sometimes, unable to communicate with us. We didn't have answers. Life just seemed a mystery.
Those were the tough days. When life was up in the air. When I'd worry, the absolute most. Because how can you devise a plan, when you don't know what you are up against?
And through it all, I had my Dad, motivating me. Telling me, we have to fight it. We have to move forward. We need to remember that.
I think about that a lot, these days. Either I become stronger, move forward, and continue his work...or I become a miserable person. I tell you this, because in the middle of his cancer battle...I needed to remind myself daily. Sometimes, hourly. Move forward. Get stronger. Keep fighting.
Until she left the library. And another kind lady, came to sit with me. To ask if I was OK. Because that's what happens. It hits, from out of nowhere. But you must deal with it. You have to stare it down. And say, "I'm never going to forget my loved one. But I need to become a stronger person. If not for them. For me. I need to be able, to function every single day."
I say this. And I've been where you are. I've been that person, that received that news. That felt like they had been punched in the gut. I still remember when my Dad was first diagnosed. And trying to stay strong. For everyone. And silently, falling apart. Feeling like, life was never going to be the same again.
And in reality, it wasn't. But if I would have stayed in that place, I would have never have been able, to be there for my Dad. I wouldn't have been able to take care of him. To meet his needs. To allow our relationship to grow. To love him. And to make memories.
I know, this entire battle can be tough. It is very tough. And scary. Sometimes, overwhelming. If you are the person battling cancer, remember you are tough. You can do this. You've got to "keep your head in the game." But you can do it. If you are the caregiver, you are strong. Much stronger, than you can imagine. Honestly, one day you will look back, and wonder where your strength came from. And how it got you, through all of your journey.
I still look back, and think, "How did I make it? How am I still functioning? Where did this strength come from?" Honestly, I don't think I'll ever completely understand that. But it's part of life. And your team, they will provide, so much strength. Honestly, I can't even begin to tell you. Our nurses, doctors, and other team members...were constant "Fountains of Strength," for me.
And if you are family and friends, don't doubt yourselves. Love hard. As hard as you can. If you have an idea to call, visit, take someone some food...do it. Do it all! Make those memories. Don't be afraid. You'll always appreciate the memories, later down the road.
When I first came across this quote, I immediately thought of my Dad. I printed it out. And I gave it to him. It's still in his wallet. He had been sick. And no one knew, what was wrong. It had been months. Many doctors, trips to the hospital, and countless tests.
The sicker he got, the more trips to the hospital, the more fear I had...the more I thought of these words. I'd end up printing this. And framing it. It traveled with us, many times, to and from the hospital.
And I look at it, for strength. Thinking to myself, if he can do it, so can I. There were times, when my Dad couldn't eat. Or walk. Sometimes talk. But he ALWAYS fought back. It showed me, to never give up. No matter the battle, we always have a way to fight back. ALWAYS!!!
I think of this a lot. Maybe it was the first time we went to our Support Group. Or when we first met, the team, that would carry us on our journey. Maybe it was the first time, we knew it was Stage 4 Colon Cancer. But life, had forever changed. I knew that, deep in my soul. And I had to embrace, the next chapter.
Life would forever change. The somewhat "simple" life we had. And we needed to appreciate it. We needed to acknowledge, that our new journey, was laid out for us. We had time with my Dad. And we needed to take advantage of it. All of it. The good, and the bad.
More than that, we needed to prepare, for what was up ahead. The struggle, of this journey. The heartbreak, that would lay ahead. And how we'd pick up the pieces, and continue to move forward. We had to remember all of this, while fighting the fight.
There is always life, after cancer. Sometimes, we are lucky. And our loved one, or us, beat the beast. Sometimes, we are facing life, without them. But our life will be, forever changed. Cancer has a way of doing that. We will all come out of this journey, changed. Stronger for sure. And maybe, with more questions, than answers. But for all of us, touched by cancer, we must remember...to keep moving forward. ❤❤❤
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