A year ago, I was quietly decorating my Dad's hospital room. I'd smuggled in decorations for days. Hid them in a drawer. And then I waited. Most of the night, as nurses came in and out of our room. I knew their schedule by heart. We'd been there for a few weeks.
And after his early morning check, I started decorating. Banners and streamers on the windows, boards, and walls. Even if we were in the hospital, I wanted my Daddy, to enjoy his birthday. When he woke up, and I saw his smile, and it was all worth it!
He would spend the remainder of the week, telling me, not to take them down. Excited every single time, a new person walked through his door. It was a little thing. But one, that meant so much to him.
I can sit here and tell you, all about his breakfast. His morning. Our first meeting, with the ladies from Hospice. I could tell you about his lunch. And how the entire crew, from the cafeteria sang him "Happy Birthday!" And how we both made out, with a chocolate shake.
I could tell you about the visitors. His dinner. The gifts we exchanged. And the ladies from the Palliative Team. The struggles we had, as the night came. And he got tired. I could sit here, and describe his entire day, in great detail.
But that was last year. It was a different time. It was a different state of mind. It was a different emotional feeling. This year is completely different. I've almost feared this day coming. I bought decorations for his grave. And silently, counted down the days.
It's a day to celebrate my Dad. To remember all the good times. With him. At his different birthday parties. Enjoying, his beloved Mariachis. It's a day to celebrate. And I must remember that. It's not a day, to be filled with tears. And sadness. And broken hearts.
I had a completely different poem picked out. About this being my Dad's 1st Birthday in Heaven. Something talking about loving and missing him. And just yesterday, I came across this. And knew, it was just right...
Daddy Bird,
I think about you often. Probably too much. If other people really knew. I love and miss you more, with each passing day. And my heart, it feels like it will never be the same. Like all those millions of pieces, will forever be jingling in my chest. Where once, I had so much love to give.
But Dad, you taught me to be strong. To push forward. And to never give up. It's been a tough road. One where I'm constantly, reaching for the phone. To call you. To hear your voice. I can swear, I can hear you calling at night. And in my dreams, I can still see your silly toothy grin.
They say it will get easier. With each passing day. But I'm not convinced. I'm just not sure, about a lot of things. I just know, that I'll never stop loving you. And I'll never stop, trying to protect, honor, and take care of you. You were my rock and my salvation. My one place to fall. My comfort, in this world. The only person that never judged me, turned me away, or hurt me.
On this day, I truly hope and pray, that you are celebrating. Having the time of your life, up there in Heaven. Enjoying our loved ones. Eating good food. And hopefully, there is a Mariachi or 2, to enjoy.
Happy Birthday Daddy! We all love and miss you. Much more, than you'll ever know. Life is just not the same, without you in it. But today is for celebration. Not tears. So I promise to celebrate you, with some cake. If you promise me, that you'll have a GREAT day! Happy Birthday!
Love You ALWAYS,
Your Little Morning Glory
❤❤❤
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