One Year Later

Daddy,

It's been one year. The longest, and toughest, of my life. It's the little things that I miss, the most. Seeing your toothy smile. Holding your hand. And just talking. I miss my best friend.

It's crazy. I've always known, that you are my best friend. My buddy. And my protector. But it's in the last year, that I've really felt it most. Even if you are not with us on earth, you are with me. And that's all I need. To know you are in my heart, in my memories, and with me...when I need you most.

I think about all the promises I made you. And how hard, I've tried to keep them. There have been so many things, that were out of my hands. But I'm positive...you understand. I now know, exactly what you meant. About people. And although most of what you said, came true, I'm glad you could give them, the forgiveness they were seeking.

You are still my role model. There are new things, that I learn every single day, about the man you were. The way, you positively, touched so many lives. How you gave, to so many. Without wanting anything at all, in return. No glory, to acknowledgement, no compensation. You are my hero! And I will spend my lifetime, continuing to do your work.

I will continue with your dreams, passion, and work. For as long, as I can. Because that's what you taught me. It wasn't the words. But your actions, that really influenced my life. And I will never, forget everything you did for me. And for Mom. I promise, I will always look after her. And protect her.

When I look forward, and realize, you will not be here anymore...it saddens me. I know that it shouldn't. You are in the arms of our Lord. Not feeling any pain. And enjoying all those, who have gone before us. But it still saddens me.

I think about simple things. Like not having a strawberry shake with you. Never having another heart to heart. Not having your big, strong arms, to hold me. When life gets too tough. Who am I supposed to call at 3AM?

Then I think about some of the big moments, that lie ahead. You'll never get to meet my husband. To get to know who his is. To grill him. To let me know, what you really think. My heart gets really sad, when I think about you, never getting to know my babies. You'll never hold them. And love them. The way you loved so many. So hard. But I do have the faith, that somewhere in Heaven, before they are given to me, you will know them. And that comforts me.

It's hard to not look at this day, as a painful one. Filled with heartbreak. And longing, to just see you one more time. All the details, of last year, flood my brain. All the memories, come racing back. All the same emotions, fill my body.

The only relief I get, is that you are no longer suffering. That God, is protecting you know. And that you are making a place, for Mom and I, to one day join you. For all those months, it killed me, to see you suffering. To see you, in so much pain. Unable to do, so much!

I am grateful for you Dad. In more ways, than I can ever sit and write about. So very grateful for your life. The life you gave me. The love you always showed. The lessons you taught me. The friendship we had. I'm grateful that you are a fighter. And fought the cancer. With every single thing you had. And that you fought, to stay on this earth, with Mom and I.

This entire journey, has changed me. As it changed you. I don't know if I'll ever travel, the same roads again. The same journeys, in life. The paths, that I was once on. But I do know, that I've learned what is important in this life. Because of you. Because of your journey. And your struggles. Because of the things you have taught me.

I still feel your presence. Every single day. I feel closest to you, in church. Which is no surprise to me. I can feel, when you wrap your arms around me. I know that you send me songs, when I'm thinking of you. Even if they make me cry, I'm grateful. And I know, that you keep sending people to us. When Mom and I need them most, you send us the most loving people.

It really has been a year of learning. Learning who is really concerned, with Mom and I's well being. Who really cares, loves, and respects us. Who we can trust. Everything that you told me, has happened. And as sad as it makes my heart, it has strengthen Mom and I's relationship so much!

I don't know what lies ahead. What my future will bring. Or how my life, will unfold. But I do know, that you are my hero. My role model. And my Daddy. No one can ever change that! 31 years, simply was not enough time. But really, if we had 100 years, it wouldn't feel long enough either.

You have taught me so much. About life. People. Faith. Most of all, you taught me how a man should treat a woman. How they should take care of their family. And how they should love. You taught me, how I should be treated. And to never, accept anything less.

Over the years, I've also learned how to never give up. To keep fighting. Until there is nothing. To fight, until my very last breath. You taught me that. And you taught me to work, as hard as I can. To dream as big as I can. And to always chase those dreams. It's the only way, we become better people.

But the most important thing, you ever taught me, was how to love. With every fiber of my being. To love hard. To long strong. And to love always. To take care of "my people'. To always do everything possible, to make sure, they are OK. To love our family. To guide our family. And to protect our family.

When we said our goodbyes, I didn't realize, our family was losing our Shepherd. And our Superman. You were our rock. .For so many. Not just your children. But for all your friends and family. We've all had a hard time, adjusting to life, without you by our sides.

My life, is so blessed. Because I call you Daddy. And you loved me, with every single fiber, of your being. I won't ever forget that. Not as long as I live. And I will continue to share your story, with as many people as possible. Letting people know, just how amazing you are! I LOVE YOU DADDY BIRD! More than I can ever express. May you rest in peace, with the angels, forever and ever!

                                                               Love You ALWAYS,
                                                                    Your Little Morning Glory

Prayer List

I get a lot of e-mails (LoveForBlue2015@aol.com), Facebook messages, and Instagram messages. Many that break my heart. Many that are inspirational. And many, that just need to be read. Over the last 13 months, I've realized, the Cancer Community is a large one. One that, once you are a part of, you are a lifetime member. It never really leaves you. And you are drawn to others, like yourself.

I've also seen the need for prayer. Many people will tell me, their stories. And just ask, that I pray for them. And as time has gone on, I've noticed more and more of these. So I want to start something new. On the 20th of every month, I want to ask for your prayer requests.

Why the 20th? It's the anniversary, of my Dad's passing. And I don't want the date, to forever be a somber one. I want it to have more meaning. Something positive. So on the 20th of every month,  I'll post a little prayer, and ask, that you post your requests. I'll keep all these requests, in my prayers, over the month.

And it doesn't have to be about cancer. Whatever your struggles are. Please let me pray for you. If you and your loved ones are struggling. If someone you know is ill. If you just need an extra prayer. Leave a message. Let me know, what you need.

I know that prayer, is very powerful. It has carried me, and my family, when we've needed it most. We've been so blessed, to have so many people, pray for us. And I want to provide the same comfort, to someone else. Please don't be shy. Post your prayer requests below. And if you don't want your prayers posted, in the comments, feel free to e-mail (LoveForBlue2015@aol.com) them to me. ❤❤❤

Our Gentle Doctor

My Dad received all of his care, from one hospital. Different locations. Many doctors. More nurses, than I can sit and talk about. But one hospital. It was the best decision, we could have ever made.

Not only did it make it easier for us. It kept all of my Dad's doctors, on the same page. Everyone had access, to everything, all the time. If we were in the hospital, our doctors were very easy, to get in touch with. All our care, came from the same place. Including, our Homecare.

Along the way, you meet different people. In the Presbyterian organization, they work so well, as a team. Working together, for the patient. Mapping out, how your care will look. Taking every person's opinion, into consideration. And it works really well.

In the Fall of 2014, my Dad was scheduled to potentially have his stoma reversed. Chemo, was making him a little too weak, for the doctors liking. So there was a break, that was taken, halfway through his scheduled 16 treatments.

During this time, he'd receive radiation. And we heard all sorts of horror stories. But my Dad was optimistic. As always. He was ready, to attack this beast, growing inside him. We had an appointment, with the radiation team. And that is where we'd meet Dr. Garg.

An amazingly kind soul. His staff was truly, some of the kindest, that I've ever met! They made us feel so comfortable. And if you've ever had to have radiation, you know the initial appointment, can be rather lengthy.

We went in. The nurses were so kind, and helpful. Explaining everything in great detail. Allowing me, to help as much as possible. They knew, my Dad was most comfortable, when I was with him. After I'd help them, to get him settled in, another nurse, would walk me back to a conference room. Where I could wait. In comfort. With something to drink, and snack on.

I'd meet Dr. Garg first. While my Dad was being "marked" for his treatments. He'd explain to me, what was going to happen. What our schedule would look like. What I could expect. What I should look for, in terms of side effects. And assured me, he'd be right by our sides, the entire time.

Then he'd meet with my Dad and I. And explain everything, in great detail. Making sure, my Dad understood, everything he was saying. Talking to him, and reassuring him. He sat right in front of my Dad, held his hands, and assured him it was going to be OK.

Radiation, was very beneficial to my Dad. He didn't have any side effects. Nothing that they'd warned us about. Or anything we'd heard, from other patients. Dr. Garg, kept his word. And would be by our sides, the entire time. I don't think, there was ever a treatment, where he didn't come and talk to me. To let me know, how things were going.

My Dad was rather weak. By Fall 2014, he'd been through so much. And to go to his doctors' appointments, we'd take his wheelchair. I'd help him, to undress, and put on his hospital gown, before every treatment. The nurses would bring my Dad coffee. And once they'd taken him back, for his treatment, they'd come make sure I was OK.

It really made the entire experience, a positive one. But Dr. Garg, would be the one, that would bring us comfort. He'd talk us through, our entire treatment schedule. He'd answer all of our questions. He'd give me updates. Without me, having to track him down. He would bring me, the information, I'd need to know.

At my Dad's last appointment, he'd have a seizure. The staff was amazing! Dr. Garg, was right there, by our sides. Assuring me, that my Dad was OK. Which I knew. He'd had seizures, all my life. But Dr. Garg, wouldn't leave our side. He'd want to call an ambulance. So we could transport my Dad, from the Radiation Center, to the main hospital. I'd assure him, it would be best, if I'd take my Dad. He would be very disoriented, from the seizure. And would need me, by his side, when he started to "wake up" from the fog.

Dr. Garg, and 2 of his nurses, helped me get my Dad into our van. They'd secure him. And they'd get my cell phone number. Sure enough, they'd call ahead to the hospital for me. And they'd check in, with me, multiple times that afternoon. I'd receive a call from Dr. Garg, that evening, making sure we were OK. He knew, what he was reading from the charts. But he wanted to make sure we were OK. That we were receiving the care, that we should.

It was amazing! Months later, in February 2015, Dr. Garg would be the oncologist working at the hospital. On the weekend of my Dad's birthday. He would do everything he could, to make sure my Dad was comfortable. That we had everything we needed. And after talking to him, about a Surprise Birthday party, I had planned...he assured me, my Dad would be able to attend.

Dr. Garg, was just one of those doctors, that made you feel comfortable. He explained every single detail, to you. And always asked, if we had questions. When he could, he'd make things easier for us. Trying to provide our family, with everything we needed. At the very moment, we needed it.

And the amount of care, respect, and tenderness...that he showed my Dad. It is the thing, I will never forget. We were very blessed, with our medical team. And it's doctors, like Dr. Garg, that made the experience a little easier. We knew, we had a team behind us. And that no matter what, they were fighting for my Dad. To extend his life. To provide comfort. And to make sure, we were all OK.

I'm very grateful to Dr. Garg. And the care he provided. Not just the medical care. But the personal care, he gave my Dad. Even on my Dad's roughest days, he was an amazing doctor. Knowing, that it was the pain, and not my Dad...that was taking over. Thank You Dr. Garg! From the bottom of my heart. My family, appreciates everything you did for my Dad! ❤❤❤

Food And Drink Donations

We are getting close, to our 2nd Annual Memorial Love for Blue Fundraiser. And we are trying to get, as many donations, as possible. That way, most of the money we raise, goes directly to supporting the Presbyterian Cancer Center, Cancer Services of New Mexico, the American Cancer Association, the Love for Blue Scholarship Fund, and our Caring for the Caregivers Boxes.

I think it's important, to also reach out to our community. And I want to make a list, of the items we are hoping to get. The items, that we are going to be selling, at our fundraiser.

1. Hamburger Patties
2. Hamburger Buns
3. Sliced Cheese
4. Hotdogs
5. Hotdog Buns
6. Nacho Cheese
7. Chips
8. Bottled Water
9. Sodas
10. Coffee
11. Baked Goods
12. Donuts
13. Items to make cookies
14. Items to make cupcakes
15. Ketchup
16. Mustard
17. Relish
18. Lettuce
19. Tomatoes
20. Onions
21. Green Chili
22. Fresh Fruit
23. Tortillas
24. Items to make breakfast burritos
25. Items to make Frito pie
26. Ice
27. Snack foods
28. Kid drinks
29. Candy
30. Gum

If there is anything you'd like to donate, please get in touch with me. All donations, no matter how large or small, are greatly appreciated! Remember, we're doing this for our community. To give back to those, who are currently struggling. Whether they are going through cancer, are taking care of someone with cancer, or are benefitting from our scholarship fund.

You can leave me a message here, send me an e-mail (LoveForBlue2015@aol.com), or you can reach me on Facebook. I'm able to pick-up any donated items. Also, if you would like to prepare something, for our sale, let me know. We need all the help, we can get! Thanks again! ❤❤❤

Stay Organized

I get this question a lot, "How did you do it all?" I got organized. And it really was, one of the things, that helped my sanity most. First and foremost, you need to get organized. As tough as it seems, it's the beginning and end, to it all. Yes, there will be bumps in the road. And some weeks, will seem tougher than others. But try and stay organized.

The first thing I did, was get a planner. It was exclusively used, for my Dad, his appointments, medications, and hospital stays. I wrote every appointment in there. Whether it was a doctor's appointment, Homecare visit, PT, OT, or a treatment. It all went in my calendar. I'd  write it down. And then with a highlighter, I'd color in the time we were supposed to be there.

I also tried to color code everything. So I'd know, if we had to be somewhere. Or if we were having a visit from our Homecare Team. I'd write doctor's appointments, in one color. Chemo treatments in another. Homecare visits, in another. Then I'd use different colors of highlighters.

Yes, at first it was difficult. Later, after I had a system, it got easier. When I'd open the planner, I knew if we had an eye appointment, had to have blood drawn, or if we were having an evaluation by PT. It was so helpful!

Because let's face it, during cancer, there are so many appointments! In one day, we could have a visit from our Homecare nurse, from PT, an appointment at the Cancer Center, a test, and an appointment with our neurologist. Yes, all in one day! And I needed to know, when and where we had to be.

Other things I'd use our planner for, were medications. As in, when we needed refills. At least a month before we needed a written refill, I'd mark it in red. So I could call our doctor. Or let them know, at our appointment. A week before we were out of pills, I'd call the pharmacy. I had a very difficult time, getting my Dad's epilepsy medication. So I ALWAYS had to start early. But I would try and time things together. So I didn't have to make too many trips to the pharmacy.

Along these same lines, I'd put our supplies in here. It was so important to know, how much we had. And when our deliveries would come. There were a few times, I had to go to the hospital, and ask for some ostomy bags. Or I'd ask our Homecare nurse, for some supplies, if we were really low.

But I made sure, to estimate how much we had. And when we would be without. Our Homecare nurse, would do all our ordering. We were very lucky! And I'd wait for the supplies, to show up at our home. With hydration supplies, it was pretty quick. But I always had to check, to make sure, they delivered everything we needed. Did we get enough supplies? With our ostomy supplies, it was all about timing. I needed to let Robin know, with enough time.

If my Dad started to have certain symptoms, or maybe a seizure, I'd also write it down. It was important information. If there was something "new," going on with his stoma, I'd write it down. Then take a picture, with my cell phone.

I made sure to take my planner, to the hospital as well. I'd write every single thing down! How long we were in the ER. Where we were located. What doctors, nurses, and techs came to help. It was very important. Especially in the early days.

Things like, when we changed my Dad's ostomy bag, were also documented. His output. If there was a difference in color, texture, or how much was produced. I would make notes about how he was feeling, eating, and walking. Later when he was given pain meds, through a patch, I'd write down when I changed them. And any symptoms he was having. Anything, and everything, that seemed important...was written down.

I also made sure to write down all his doctor's names and phone numbers. Any facilities we used...like the hospital, treatment centers, and rehab. I also included a list of his medications. And the doses. The last thing that I had, was a list of his medical procedures. Surgeries, diagnosis, and any other procedures...that seemed important.

Along with my planner, our pillbox, was also very important. I kept all of my Dad's pills in there. Every Sunday night, after he went to bed, I'd count out pills. I'd count them, 3 times. And fill the pillbox, for the week. I was the one person, that knew when my Dad took his pills, which ones he took, and when the anti-nausea pills were needed.

Yes, I had everything organized. But it didn't mean it was flawless. There was a time, when some of my older siblings, were taking my Dad to breakfast, and they gave him all the pills for that day. So it's important to note, this is not a foolproof tip. Just a way, to stay organized.

Whoever is taking care of the person, needs to know what pills are taken...and at what time. My Dad took pills for epilepsy. And they needed to be taken at a certain time. Things like sleeping pills, should be obvious. To be taken at night. But not everyone knows, what all those pills are for. Be sure, to make this, something that helps you.

But get to know, all the pills. What they look like. What the shape and color are like. This is also an important tip, when you pick up your medication. I would ALWAYS ask the pharmacist, to open the bottles. If the pills were a different color, or shape, we'd have a talk. This often happened with my Dad's epilepsy medications. And from time to time, with his iron pills.

And organize your supplies. I ended up, buying 2 midsized storage containers. Clear ones. That I could stick in the closet. So I could see our supplies. And every single time, we got a shipment, I'd check them. Make sure everything on the list, was in the box. Then I'd pull out our old supplies, and put the new stuff, on the bottom of the container.

We got hydration supplies, delivered twice a month. And it was important to keep all of that dry, clean, and organized. I kept that supplies, in one box. Making sure, to have enough room, for the bags of saline. I didn't want to bust a bag. And also making sure, that the older product, got used first.

Our other box, was full of ostomy supplies. Bags, rings, powder, scissors, cream, soap, extra containers. I kept a very close eye, on this box. These were the supplies, we had the most difficult time, keeping up with. The delivery, wasn't the best. And insurance, limited the amount you got. So I had to make sure, we always had enough.

Getting and staying organized, is essential. During a chaotic time, like battling cancer. You have enough to worry about. And probably, more than enough, on your plate. So you need to make sure, you have everything organized.

I'm sure, no one thought I was organized. If they'd come to our home, they would look at you, like you were crazy. If you told them, I was organized. But these things, were always organized! Along with the supplies my Dad needed, for PT. Weights, chairs, and bands. And the supplies he needed, to get around. Bars in the bathroom, a bathmat, in the bathtub, his 2 wheeled walker, his 4 wheeled walker, and his wheelchair. And of course, his bag.

It made life, a lot easier. I wasn't going to miss an appointment. I knew when our Homecare team, would be visiting. I wouldn't suddenly, run out of medications. It took a lot of pressure off of. And left me more available, to take care of my Dad. That's how I managed to do so much. Being extra organized, with these details. ❤❤❤

At Home Screening

We all know, just how important cancer screening is. Especially, if you are considered, "High Risk." Often times, insurance companies, aren't so happy to approve screening. Especially if you are young. It doesn't matter to them, that you are carrying a high risk. That means nothing, to them. They just see dollar signs.

And the reality is, it would probably cost them less, to screen these types of people. Like myself. If it's caught early, there is less care needed. Therefore, it costs the insurance companies less. And it gives us, the high risk people, a better shot at a long and healthy life.

I found this article. And was stunned. I'd never heard about, at home screening. A simple little test. That possibly could save lives. Or at least, grab the attention of your doctor. Cologuard was even approved by the FDA, in 2014.

While I still think, a colonoscopy is the best way to go, for screening. I would definitely like to try this. It's another safety precaution, to take. Especially, if you have the risk, in your family. And are a young adult. I know on the website, they talk about people who are 50+. But I think, this is a good option, for those people, who can't get colonoscopy approval.

Even with the amazing doctor, that I have in my corner, I'm fighting to be approved for a colonoscopy. I'm 32 years old. Healthy. And I appear, to have nothing wrong with me. In today's world, that gives the insurance company, all rights to say no. No to my screening. Until I'm 50 years old.

It's crazy. The doctors in my corner, are all fighting for me. Just so I have a better chance at life. A sense of ease. With knowing, if I am a true risk, or not. But with a HUGE list, of people waiting for colonoscopies, and just to see GI doctors....I know I have an uphill battle.

So here are my thoughts. Our health, is in our own hands. If we don't fight for ourselves, who will? It took my Dad, almost 3 1/2 years, to receive a colonoscopy. And he was sick. Hospitalized many times. For weeks, at a time. He had ALL the signs, of colon cancer.

For me, the relatively healthy young adult...must fight. And if this is what I have to turn to, well I'll be going to my doctor. Asking for a prescription. And you know what? I'm thankful, to have something like this, to lean on. At least, it gives me, a fighting chance. ❤❤❤

Caring For The Caregivers

I know. It's the toughest job, you'll ever have. But it's also the most rewarding one, you'll ever have! And honestly, as tough as it can be at times, it's not a "job." The days are long. Sleep, is not easy. Rarely, do you have alone time. Your own needs, they come last. But you wouldn't have it any other way.

At least, that's the way I felt. I put myself, last. Every single day. Because there were more important things, that needed to be done. I've learned, most caregivers are the same way. They always put themselves last. ALWAYS!

That is why I started the Caregiver Boxes. And trying to reach out to caregivers. Because it's a tough job. One that doesn't get much, if any, glory. People aren't paying you. They're not thanking you. Most of the time, you're overlooked. And I wanted the caregivers out there, to know, they matter too!

This project, is one of my favorites. Out of everything we do. To acknowledge the caregivers. To send them a little something, that hopefully makes them smile. Brightens their day. And lets them know, they are not alone. There are other people, just like them, traveling a tough journey.

I never realized, the cost, of these boxes. I mean, I use the USPS frequently. As most of my friends, live out of town. But the cost, has added up quickly. And I now realize, I need a little help. So on this Wishful Wednesday, I'm asking for some help. For the caregivers.

My plan is, to sell some items, targeted at raising funds for our Caregiver Boxes. The "color" for caregivers is purple. So that's our next color, I'll be tackling. I want to be able, to set up a "purple area," at our sales. And I'm hoping to have everything put together, before our big Love for Blue Fundraiser, in April.

I do need some help though. I have already begun, making purple items. And I look forward, to seeing what I can create. But I'd like to be able, to sell a few of the following items...

These purple awareness bracelets, are $28 for 50. And I know, from experience, that I can sell them for $1 a piece.

These angel pins, well to me, they scream caregiver. The silent angel, that is taking care, of their loved one. They are $45 for 18. I'm sure, we can get $5-10 a piece, for these sweet pins.

These keychains, would also be a nice item, to sell. I'm sure, we could get $1-2 a piece. And the cost is, $12 for 25 keychains.

If you would like to help out our cause, you can directly purchase the items. Which would be a HUGE help! You can also choose any of the items, from this section of the website. I'll be collecting, purple items. Of any kind. Or you could make a monetary donation.

As always, we welcome any assistance, in the form of postage, gift cards, items, cards, and money. You can always contact me here at the blog, via e-mail (LoveForBlue2015@aol.com), or on Facebook. Thank You, for taking the time to read this. This cause, has such a soft place, in my heart. Happy Wednesday! ❤❤❤