For the Caregivers

I'm going to refer back to Sunday's post. I talk with lots of people. Going through cancer. Taking care of someone with cancer. Loving through cancer. The one thing, that everyone ALWAYS asks about...what would you do differently?

Honestly, I wouldn't change most, of what I went through. I gave it, everything I had. And then some. I tried, with every single part of my being, to take care of my Dad. To make him comfortable. And happy. But along the way, I lost me. I lost my sparkle. I lost my spirit.

That would be one thing, I'd tell my fellow caregivers. Don't lose yourself. Always be there. Present. In what you are doing. Love it. But also, love yourself. Take some time. Ask for some help. Allow yourself, a second to just be.

If I could do it all over again, that's what I'd change. It's not dramatic. I wouldn't save the world. I'd just take some time for me. To be honest, there was a time, when I just stopped. I stopped going to church. I don't know, if I just couldn't deal. If going to church, was too much. Or if it was just me, struggling with my situation. Tired. Or me, wondering why God was putting all of us, through all of this...

But I'd get up, and get my Dad ready. I'd help my Mom get him, to church. They'd go to mass, and to breakfast. For me...those 2 hours were my time to sleep. Honestly. It may sound so selfish. But at the time, it is what I needed. I'd sleep. Take a shower. And usually do laundry. It wasn't dramatic. Or exciting. Or life changing. It usually went very quickly.

If I walked this road again, I'd take more of that time. Not necessarily skipping church. Because I NEED that, in my life. And as things dramatically changed 15 months ago, I would just do without sleep. Because I NEEDED church.

Maybe if I could do it again...I'd ask someone for help. I'd ask a family member, or some friends to come over. Or meet my parents for dinner. Something, to allow me a few hours a week...to just be me. It would have helped my spirit. And probably my soul. No doubt, it would have helped my ability, to deal with everything that was happening at the time.

But as well as I know myself, you are probably the same. You probably don't give yourself, 5 minutes to just be. I know that feeling. You sleep, but you don't rest. You are ALWAYS listening, for your loved one. You eat...but you are pretty sure, you haven't enjoyed a meal...in a very long time! You can't remember the taste, of the last thing you ate. Because you eat so quickly. I know that feeling! I also remember, not even allowing myself to use the bathroom in peace. No matter if we were in the hospital, or at home. I'd run in and out. And I'm pretty sure, I stressed my bowels out too.

My one bit of advice, is just to slow down. Take time for you. It might seem very selfish. And whoever is judging you, probably isn't worth having in your life. Be kind to yourself. It's really, the only thing I can tell you.

I know, you want to control everything. You don't want to miss a second. You want to be there. But sometimes, you just need a little time "off." And that is OK. Do you hear me? It is OK. Take some time...even 5 minutes...it will make you, a better caregiver. I promise! ❤❤❤