A Friend Like Her

I'm one of the those people. That lost touch, with everyone I went to high school with. What you don't always understand, at the time, is that those people...they've gone through some big changes with you. You have history. And in some ways, they will always be in your life. You will always, carry a piece of them. After all, for a very vital part of your life, you were friends.

A couple of years ago, I reached out to a few of those people. Via Facebook. I was curious, about them. And their lives. Girls I had cheered with. Friends I'd studied with. People, that I spent so much time with. It wasn't like we were chatting every single day. Or even calling each other on the phone. We were Facebook friends. A far cry, from spending hours and hours together...like we had done 10 years before. We'd read each others' posts. But it wasn't like we were planning vacations together.

When my Dad past away, a friend reached out to me. Unlike most, she called. And we talked. It truly, meant the world to me. As my world was crumbling around me, she was there to talk to. To make me laugh, at the memories we shared. Amber and her parents, would send the most beautiful flowers. In a gorgeous vase. That my Mom and I, still use pretty often.

Amber has become one of those people, that have helped us, in our fundraising efforts. She works for a company, that prints things like T-shirts, bags, and other stuff like that. If you are involved in sports, you know what I mean. They are the people, that become your best friends.

Although I have a cousin, that does similar things, my friend has opened up her arms. And her heart, to us, and our foundation. You see, a year ago, I was trying to track my cousin down. To print us, some T-shirts. Maybe a banner or two. And my friend, offered to help me.

In a very short amount of time, I had a big box delivered to our home. Filled with T-shirts, for our fundraiser. Exactly how my Mom wanted them. And this year, when I dropped the ball in February, Amber rescued me. Yet again. Sending our order to be printed, just this past week.

Amber is so amazing to work with. And she really is an amazing friend. That I hope to have for life. Even if I don't answer calls, get on Facebook just a few times a month, or go MIA...my girl has my back! I'm pretty darn lucky.

My friend, is still the genuine girl, I went to school with. The one that made me laugh, when I needed to laugh. The person, that walked many of the same paths, as I. It saddens my heart, that we lost so many years, of friendship. But it always makes me smile, when I check her Facebook page. To see her three kiddos. All happy, just like their momma.

I can't wait, to see what our T-shirts look like this year. Or the other goodies, that we're cooking up. Things that we can sell all year long. Because, I'm pretty sure...I hear the Growers' Market calling my name! And maybe a couple of T-shirts, bracelets, and bags...might make their way to our tables.

When you do fundraisers like ours, it's a lot of grassroots, kind of work. And it isn't possible, without people like Amber. That have your back. Help you, to get the best possible products. So that you can turn around, and raise some funds. I'm lucky to have a cousin, that does this kind of work. I know I can call him, at any time.

But it's also nice, to have a friend that does it too. That loves my Dad, the way she does. We have a lot of history together. Amber and I. Years or cheerleading. And school. And just being friends. If you ever need anything printed up, I'd say call Amber! She is amazing to work with! ❤❤❤

Future of Love for Blue

I get a ton of questions, concerning our foundation. And our upcoming fundraiser. So I thought, today would be a good day, to address them.

Where do I see our foundation going? I see it growing. Slowly, but surely. Like a little bird. My Dad always enforced that. "Things take time. And nurturing. And loving." That's how I see this foundation. It's not a job for me. It's something I work on, because I'm passionate about it. I see my Dad's vision. What he wanted. And what he believed in. We talked a lot about it, before his death. And I know exactly, how he wanted his foundation to look.

Short term goals, are simple. Keep moving forward. This year's fundraiser, I'm hoping is more successful than last year's. I don't know how it will go. I just have hopes. I hope there are a few more faces there. I hope we raise a bit more money. And I hope, it continues to grow. Slowly, I think word of mouth will spread. I've contacted news and radio stations. Put up flyers. Advertised on social media. And I hope each year, gets a little bit bigger.

But no one can be certain. Heck, I just talked to some friends of my Dad. They had no clue, that he had past away. And honestly, it happens more than you'd think. So many people, 13 months later, still don't know. So as far as the growth of our fundraiser, I think it will be a slow process.

Another short term goal would be, to reopen our Etsy shop in May. I've put it on "vacation," while we prepare for our fundraiser. But I do hope, to get it back up. And make it a success. It's a ton of work! And mostly, I have items on there, for local people to look at. Then I hand deliver our items. It helps with the bottom line.

I want to grow our Fun Mail and Caring for the Caregiver projects. Both take money, time, and donations. I would like to be able to send more mail, to patients. And to be able to send some sort of package, to a caregiver...every week. Instead of once a month. I have a stack, of people who have been nominated for both.

The Grower's Market is another goal of mine. I'm anxious, to get that going again. We did really well, last season. It's a ton of work. Lots of commitment. And means I'm busy selling, twice a week. Spending the rest of the week, creating items to sell. And for this year, we have more items. Stocked up. I'm also having T-shirts, tote bags, and caps made. Anything to sell. And help us grow our foundation.

As far as long term goals, it's mostly to grow what we've started. Hopefully, getting more sponsors. Either for materials, fees for permits, items like our T-shirts...things like that. I've already been talking to people about next year's fundraiser. Local businesses and such. And surprisingly enough, I've got more donations lined up for next year, than I do for this year. :)

Another long term goal, would be to grow our scholarship fund. There is such a NEED for it! And we hope, to grow our Ernest T. "Blue" Sena Jr. Memorial Scholarship, to $1000. For the 2016-2017 school year. I'm also hopeful, that we can raise enough money, to grow our Field Trip Scholarship. To $1000 a semester. So many of the schools we serviced, still call me....

I'd also like to add, some online sales. I've talked with a few companies. And hope to start successful partnerships soon. A little hint...there will be jewelry, bags, and some makeup. But that's the only hint you get. Until I can solidify some more details.

Eventually, we'd like to completely pay, for a family to attend the Cancer Services of New Mexico retreat. Twice a year. We were given the chance to go...although my Dad was hospitalized. And we ended up, not attending. It's such a GREAT event! And this is a goal, that I'm working towards. I'd also like, to be able to make some substantial donations, towards colon cancer research. I'm so passionate about that!

Overall, we're a "grassroots" type of group. It's all about pounding the pavement, doing the hard work, and slowly growing our foundation. There are lots of big goals, that I have. But it's the little steps, that will get us there. Lots of hard work, sweat, and love...is poured into Love for Blue! ❤❤❤

Why Support Groups Matter

I have a few friends, who either have walked this journey not long ago, or who are in the middle of the journey. I get a lot of the same questions. Almost daily. How do you manage? Does it get easier? Really, what were your first days like?

 

My answer is always the same. I managed, because of support groups. This has been the toughest journey, I've ever walked. And most days, feel overwhelming. But the support groups, they help so much!

 

From the beginning of our journey, our medical team, recommended joining a support group. We were lucky, in that the hospital where my Dad got treatment, had an amazing Support Group. They'd welcome us, with open arms.

The day that we got a definite Stage 4 diagnosis, we were embraced. They called in, so many people to talk with us. To comfort us. And to lend a shoulder, to cry on. The man, that was in charge of the group at the time, came to speak with us. Two days later, we were sitting in the Support Group.

Once a week, for 6 weeks, they'd have a group meeting. Lunch was always included. No one ever felt, like they had to hold back. We had various speakers, come talk to us. Doctors, nurses, religious leaders, former patients, family...anyone associated with cancer. Then they'd open up the floor, for the patients, family, and caregivers to speak.

The people who attended our support group, were amazing! At your weakest point, they were there to support you. Embrace you in hugs. Give you words of encouragement. Give you advice. It truly, saved my Mom and I. Especially, in those early days.

My Dad wasn't too happy, about going to our support group. The day of the meetings, he was usually a little grumpy. I think we only got him there, because there was a free lunch involved. But after the first session, my Dad saw how important it was, for my Mom and I. And although he wasn't over the moon about going, he didn't give us a hard time, about attending.

There were some days, that were definitely tougher than others. Whenever morality would come up, my Dad would check out. He didn't want to hear about death. It wasn't something, he wanted to talk about. And when that would happen, I'd go sit with my Dad, outside the meeting.

Looking back now, I realize it had more to do with my Dad, processing what was happening. How his life, was nearing the end. And he wasn't ready to process that...not yet. But it was a helpful group. Many of the people that attended, had been through cancer before. They were entering, their second or third battle, with this disease.

We met some truly amazing people, in that group. One woman, still comes to mind. I think about her, at least once a week. And I wonder, how her journey ended. And if she ever found peace.

You see, this woman was just a few years older than me. In her mid-thirties. She was diagnosed with an incurable breast cancer. And only had months to live. She also had 2 very small boys. When we first met her, she was so angry. Angry at God, her doctors, life in general.

We'd go to group. And without a doubt, she'd sit next to me. Every week. Commenting on little things. Like she liked my nail polish. Or thought my hair looked nice in braids. Or did I catch the latest episode, of her favorite show. And after the first meeting, I tried to have little things for her. A bottle of nail polish, a candy bar, maybe a book I'd enjoyed.

By the end of our support group session, we had developed a friendship, of sorts. She'd tell me about her fears. Of having to leave her sons. And not having any family. What would happen to her babies? Why did the cancer happen to her? What was her life going to come to? She had lived a tough life. And this, just darkened it.

She would tell me, to share her story. One day, she wouldn't be here. And no one would know, what she'd been through. I at least, knew some of her story. The parts, that she was strong enough, to talk about. The things, that weighed the most, on her heart. It was really, a heartbreaking story. Of a young mother, scared for her babies.

Our sessions ended, in the summer. But we'd still manage to see people from our support group. Everyone attended doctors' appointments, chemo, and radiation in the same buildings. And from time to time, we'd see that same lady.

Like my Dad, she'd opted to try chemo. To extend her life. Even if, it was just by a few weeks. They both knew, there was no cure. But they wanted to live, as long as possible. My Dad was at his 4th or 5th session. My Mom had stepped out, to go grab us a snack. And there she sat. The woman, that wasn't much older than I. She sat crying. Crawled up, into a ball. In the chair next to my Dad.

He'd reach out to her. Grab her hand. And tell her, "You're not in this alone. If I can do it, so can you. It's not easy. We're not lucky. But we can do this. We can do this together! We're here for you." She would continue to cry. But she'd sit up. And look at my Dad. Stare into his eyes. "Do you think so?" It was a timid voice. Something you'd imagine from a frightened child.

My Dad would struggle to get out of his char. So many tubes, coming out of everywhere. He'd give her a hug. And would promise, to be there for her. And bravely, she'd call over to the nurse, so she could begin her treatment.

We'd see her, a few more times. In the chemo room. That would be, the only time, we'd sit next to each other. But from then on, she'd wave from across the room. Put on a smile. And write a little note, to my Dad. We'd usually get it, on our way out.

It's crazy, how even in chemo, my Dad was able to inspire, comfort, and encourage someone else. By the Fall, my Dad would be struggling. We'd be in and out of the hospital. Taking time off, from chemo. Trying radiation. And we wouldn't see her, anymore.

I always wonder, what happened to our friend. One night, in the hospital, my Dad thought he'd heard her. And we'd go visit his hospital neighbor. It was someone else. But even they'd strike up a friendship. And he'd provide this twenty something, with some inspiration.

I think about those people a lot. I'd wonder, how we would have dealt, with my Dad's illness, without that group. After my Dad's death, I'd be asked back. To talk about what I'd gone through. As a caregiver. How I was dealing, with losing my Dad. And just, how I got through the days.

Lots of people, thought I was crazy. Going back. To that group. To talk. To be supportive. I'd just lost my Dad. Had I healed enough? I don't know what the right answer was. But for me, it was the right time. It helped me, in my own healing.

Those people had been there for me. And my Mom. And my Dad...when he'd let them in. It was my time, to be there for them. And it truly helped me, to heal. To pick up the pieces, and start moving forward. These people knew my story, our journey, and what we'd been though. They were walking a similar road. And I didn't have to pretend, to be OK. I could cry. I could be real. I could just be...

 

Since my Dad's death, I've attended a couple of support groups. And coming from a caregiver, I would recommend a Survivor's Group. Or a group, just for Caregivers. I've seen the need for it. Personally. And from others, who have reached out to me.

If there was anything I could tell the people at Presbyterian, it would be to start a Caregiver or Survivor Support Group. It's needed. And would be a valuable asset, to so many. It's that "after care," that is necessary. For so many people.

Support Groups, are for people, walking similar journeys. It's a place, where you don't have to worry about explaining yourself. If you've walked a similar journey, you'll understand what I mean. How many times have you been frustrated by family and friends? That just don't get it. You explain, you give details, you provide updates...and no one seems to care.

Many times, the caregiver is expected to be the strong  one. Never crying. Or letting things get to you. Then one day, you feel yourself cracking....

That is what support groups are about. Finally dealing with all those things. The things no one wants to talk about. Or deal with. Or make real...

I found, that we got so much hope, from attending our support group. Not hope, in terms of a cure. But hope, that we would all be OK. That we could take care of my Dad. My Dad, got that hope too. That after he was gone, we'd have people, that understood our situation. That would comfort us. And help us, on our journey.

And at the end of the day, our support group provided so much of that. For all of us. They made us feel, like we mattered. Our journey mattered. Our struggles, were real. I want to be that, for someone else. That is why, I go back. Every single time, that they ask. I go back.

In fact, I'd be willing to start a Support Group for Survivors and Caregivers. It's so important. And with some help, I think it would be a success. It's something that would benefit so many! And I think it's something, that no one thinks about. Until they need it.

After my Dad's passing, I didn't find a Support Group right away. I heard something on the radio one day, and I turned to a group. That was based out of a church. And it, became my saving grace. A place, where I could deal with my grief. I didn't have to be strong. Or tough. Or the leader. I could just be.

It was roughly 6 months, after my Dad's passing. My Mom was back to work. And I could go alone. And just deal. Some days, were full of tears. Some days, were about talking. Some were about listening. All were about dealing. And working through the tough stuff.

It was finally a place, were I could just be. I could deal with the anger, the heartbreak, the loneliness, the uncertainty, and the loss. It was a place, were I could just be. I could fall apart. And no one judged me. I found my strength there. In that room. With strangers. I found myself again.

With family and friends, you always hold back. Just a little. You don't want people to know, that you are broken. Inside and out. And you put up walls. You stop being, true to yourself. But in the Support Groups I was in, I could just be. I could be broken, hopeless, and afraid. And I could put myself back together, again. No one ever judged. Ever!

Do be afraid of Support Groups. You will learn how to deal, with all your emotions. You meet similar people. Who will be supportive, of your situation. You will learn, that there are people, who will support you, no matter what you've been through.

It's a place, were you can be real. And get real. With yourself. You are able to put the pieces back together again. You learn tools, that help you to deal with your days. And your emotions. And you  realize, you will be OK.

 

The fact that I was able, to be a part of a support group, helped to prepare me. For the next part of my journey. You don't always know what is coming. But this was a way, to prepare me, for the hard days, that were ahead of me.

I'm so grateful, to the staff at Presbyterian,. That started us, on this journey. They held our hands. Helped put our hearts, back into place. And allowed us, the time and space, to grieve. They helped us grow. And eventually, they helped us, put the pieces back together again.

That's why support groups are so important. It's those things, that allow us to move forward. That help us, to put the feelings, emotions, and grief...in a better place. You learn who you are. And how to deal. It helps you, to get through the day. And the week. Then the month. And before you know it, you will make it to a year. ❤❤❤

Volunteers Wanted

On this week's Wishful Wednesday, I'm looking for volunteers. Of all sorts. For our upcoming fundraiser. Actually, we're calling it a "Day of Celebration." Honestly, I can't think of a better way to put it.

 

Yes, we're fundraising. Yes, it will be a day, full of hard work. But we want it, to be a day of celebration. Of my Dad's life. Of his vision. Of our community. Of the New Mexico Cancer Community. And of the children of our community.

We could use all the help, we can get. From our entire community. In terms of spreading the word, about our upcoming fundraiser. In any way possible. Do you want to hand out flyers? Can you share on your social media? Do you know people, who would want to join us?

Maybe you have some skills, that we can use that day. Cooking, setting up, tearing down, selling our items, or helping me with the last minute details. Do you know a person, or business, that would like to sponsor us? Maybe they can donate an item for our raffle. Or food items. Maybe help us with some of the costs, associated with our fundraiser. 

 

This quote, reminds me of my Dad. He was all about giving back. It's one of the things, I admire the most, about my Dad. And one of the lessons, that I value most in life. In a ton of ways, I was more prepared this year. For our fundraiser, than I was last year. I had a T-shirt design, saved in December. Flyers made in January. I was out and about, getting things done. Then I got sick. And everything came to a screeching stop.

The thought has crossed my mind. A few times. Cancel the event. Postpone it. Reschedule. But that is not what my Dad taught me. He taught me, when things get tough, we get tougher. We somehow, pull together, and tackle this beast. And that's what I'm going to do.

We've got the permits. I talked with my friend Amber, about the T-shirts. I've been collecting donations. Flyers are being handed out. And I'm trying my best, to spread the word. One way or another, we'll get there. And hopefully, we'll have people that show up.

This event, is not about me. Or my struggles. It's about celebrating my Dad's life. Raising up the people, around us. Making a path, that will be easier, for the next family to travel. Life isn't about our accomplishments. As proud as we may be of them. It's about lifting others up. Giving a hand, when it's needed most. It's about helping others, to succeed.

That is what gets me through my days. It's the inspiration, that I lean on. We're 17 days, away from our event. I'm feeling overwhelmed. But I know, we can make it. Somehow, we'll make it. We have God on our side. A supportive community. And a purpose.

I keep thinking, about the kids in our community. Who will benefit from our scholarship fund. I'm doing this, for them. They deserve it. It's what my Dad taught me. The youth, is our future. And we have to believe in them. And invest in them.

I'm also staying tough, for the New Mexico Cancer Community. All the people we've met along the way. Because they deserve it. They fight, every single day, for their lives. Some struggle, more than others. We are all in a family. It's a group, that you never thought you'd be a part of. And now, you are a lifelong member. You want to carry the next family, through their tough time.

I think about all the families, who struggled. While we were in and out of the hospital. I can still see nurses and doctors, putting money together. To order pizza. For families. Who came from out of town. Their loved one dying. The kids, hanging out in the Family Room. Sleeping on the floor. I do it for them.

Please, if you'd like to volunteer, in any way...let me know. Contact me here on the blog, via e-mail (LoveForBlue2015@aol.com), or on Facebook. It's all about the people, we can help. And hold up, during the toughest time, of their lives. Let's make our 2nd Annual Memorial Love For Blue Fundraiser a success! ❤❤❤

Record Their Words

A long time ago, I saw this interview...about Hallmark Legacy books. And the recordable books. I was in my mid-twenties. And I wanted to keep my memories close. Of my loved ones. The ones that were still with us.

I went to Hallmark, and bought some of these books. They sat in my bedroom, on my dresser, for months. I kept thinking, I need to fill these out. I need to sit down, with my parents and grandparents, and fill them out.

After I had come to take care of my Dad, I'd travel back to my home. At least twice a month. On the weekends, to work. On one of these weekends, I picked up those 3 books, I'd bought. And put them in the trunk of my car. It would be, one of the best things, I'd do.

This is the "Father" book. I bought it. And it took me, nearly 10 years to fill it out. Not by sitting my Dad down, and asking him all the questions. But by looking through the book. Before talking to my Dad. And every single day, asking a question. Something that would allow me, to fill it out.

And this is the "Mother" book.  It still sits, empty. But I have an idea, of where to begin. And I know, that by the time I head home, it will be completed.

I also had bought one of these books. I ALWAYS wanted to buy 3. One for each of my grandparents, that I knew. Fortunately, I found a second, in a local Walgreens. And I scooped it up. It's been about 2 years ago, that I last seen them, in stores.

But what I've gotten out of these books, is life changing. It's something that allowed me to ask, the right questions. To dig a little deeper, into my loved ones thinking. And their lives. And what they want their legacy to be.

You see, I started out with my grandpa. Asking little questions. Asking for stories. Hoping to learn more. And after a few hours of talking, I'd go home, and record his thoughts. By the time of my grandpa's passing, I had a nice little journal, of his life. It wasn't complete. There were things I had to ask my grandma. And my Mom. But it was something.

When it came to my Dad, I started small. I would ask him a question, every single day. Wanting to learn more and more, about the man I call Dad. During the last year of his life, he was more open to conversation. The real stuff. He let me know, what he wanted his legacy to look like. What he wanted his grandchildren to know, about him. He told me things, he had never shared before.

It was very difficult to write my Dad's book. Maybe because we were so close. Maybe because I knew, it meant the end was nearing. Maybe it was just hard, because it was hard. But over the last year, I've managed to complete it. You know, take all the little notes, I'd written on pieces of paper...and put them in the book.

I'm so grateful to have these. I ALWAYS wanted to make one of Hallmark's recordable storybooks, with my Dad. But he wasn't that kind of guy. I know my Mom, will LOVE to do something like that. To me, these are little momentos, that one day, I can hand down...to my own children.

It's a piece of our family history, that wasn't lost. And I'm so grateful to Hallmark, for coming up with these. I'm sure, you can find something similar, out there. But whatever way you choose, record your loved ones words. In a book, through a recording, on a video. Because they are precious. And one day, they won't be at your side. One day, you'll be without them. And you'll want their words, to live on. ❤❤❤

Coffee and Colon Cancer

If there is one thing, that you should know about my Daddy, he was a coffee drinker. Through and through. My entire family is. Really. I was once, a coffee addict too. But my Dad, he had us all beat! So when I came across this article, it sort of made me chuckle.

You see, you have a 26% lower risk of developing colon cancer, if you drink 1-2 cups of coffee daily. If you drink 2.5 cups or more daily, your risk is lowered 50%. It doesn't matter if it's caffeinated, or decaffeinated coffee. Just the amount.

In short, after all the other risk factors, associated with colon cancer, daily coffee consumption helps. Drastically. It makes me think, I should be incredibly grateful to my Dad's coffee addiction. Although he was diagnosed with Stage 4 Colon Cancer, his 4-6 cups of coffee, every single day...probably bought us some time.

And although this is a relatively small study, it does bring hope. Hope that there are things, that we do daily, that somehow protect our bodies. That give us, the slightest hope, that we can beat this beast. So coffee, Thank You! I'm sure, you gave me just a little more time, with my Daddy! ❤❤❤

We're Starting An Entertainment Drive

After sending out our flyers, and talking with so many people, I've been asked...to do a little something. For our local Cancer Community. A few of the people, that made our days easier, asked if I could help out.

You see, when you are battling cancer...you spend many hours in doctors appointments, chemo treatments, and the hospital. It's part of, what the battle with cancer, looks like. You and your family, learn this real quick.

The kind people from Presbyterian, have asked me, to do a little drive. Along with our Love For Blue Fundraiser. So we'll be collecting a few items. New or used. To be donated back, to the Presbyterian Cancer Center.

First up, they have asked for new or used books. It's pretty obvious, you will spend countless hours...waiting. Waiting for doctors. Waiting for treatments. Waiting in bed...

And as amazing as Presbyterian, and their volunteers are, they've asked for magazines. Of all kinds. New and used. You wouldn't believe how many, I read, in just a year! And how many car magazines, my Dad enjoyed looking through. So clean up your coffee tables!

One thing that you might not think of, is puzzles. But it is one of the ways, many patients and family members...pass the time. My Mom, used to LOVE the puzzles, at our doctors' appointments. Many family members, sit around a table, working on big and small puzzles. Talking. It's a bit of a stress relief.

Another one of the "not so obvious" things we've been asked for, is games. At the hospital, they have a Family Room. And from experience, I know kids have to spend much time there. Waiting. While their loved ones, are very sick. We've been asked to collect some games.

Lastly, some DVDs. Did you know, that the oncology unit, has DVD players? In all the rooms! As a family, that spent many weeks in the hospital...it was a nice distraction. But the hospital doesn't have DVDs. That was something I'd bring from home. Please donate the DVDs, you don't watch anymore.

As you can see, many of the items we are asked for, are pretty common. Things that help distract us. Or take up some time. Items, that most of us have, in our homes. Or can buy, at the Dollar Tree.

On the day of our fundraiser, we'll have a box. To collect, some of these items. Then I'll deliver them, to the Chemo Treatment Center, MD Anderson Radiation Center, and the Oncology Unit. Please be generous. Many of the people, that are seeking treatment, come from out of town. And could use our help. Happy Friday! ❤❤❤