For the Caregivers

I'm going to refer back to Sunday's post. I talk with lots of people. Going through cancer. Taking care of someone with cancer. Loving through cancer. The one thing, that everyone ALWAYS asks about...what would you do differently?

Honestly, I wouldn't change most, of what I went through. I gave it, everything I had. And then some. I tried, with every single part of my being, to take care of my Dad. To make him comfortable. And happy. But along the way, I lost me. I lost my sparkle. I lost my spirit.

That would be one thing, I'd tell my fellow caregivers. Don't lose yourself. Always be there. Present. In what you are doing. Love it. But also, love yourself. Take some time. Ask for some help. Allow yourself, a second to just be.

If I could do it all over again, that's what I'd change. It's not dramatic. I wouldn't save the world. I'd just take some time for me. To be honest, there was a time, when I just stopped. I stopped going to church. I don't know, if I just couldn't deal. If going to church, was too much. Or if it was just me, struggling with my situation. Tired. Or me, wondering why God was putting all of us, through all of this...

But I'd get up, and get my Dad ready. I'd help my Mom get him, to church. They'd go to mass, and to breakfast. For me...those 2 hours were my time to sleep. Honestly. It may sound so selfish. But at the time, it is what I needed. I'd sleep. Take a shower. And usually do laundry. It wasn't dramatic. Or exciting. Or life changing. It usually went very quickly.

If I walked this road again, I'd take more of that time. Not necessarily skipping church. Because I NEED that, in my life. And as things dramatically changed 15 months ago, I would just do without sleep. Because I NEEDED church.

Maybe if I could do it again...I'd ask someone for help. I'd ask a family member, or some friends to come over. Or meet my parents for dinner. Something, to allow me a few hours a week...to just be me. It would have helped my spirit. And probably my soul. No doubt, it would have helped my ability, to deal with everything that was happening at the time.

But as well as I know myself, you are probably the same. You probably don't give yourself, 5 minutes to just be. I know that feeling. You sleep, but you don't rest. You are ALWAYS listening, for your loved one. You eat...but you are pretty sure, you haven't enjoyed a meal...in a very long time! You can't remember the taste, of the last thing you ate. Because you eat so quickly. I know that feeling! I also remember, not even allowing myself to use the bathroom in peace. No matter if we were in the hospital, or at home. I'd run in and out. And I'm pretty sure, I stressed my bowels out too.

My one bit of advice, is just to slow down. Take time for you. It might seem very selfish. And whoever is judging you, probably isn't worth having in your life. Be kind to yourself. It's really, the only thing I can tell you.

I know, you want to control everything. You don't want to miss a second. You want to be there. But sometimes, you just need a little time "off." And that is OK. Do you hear me? It is OK. Take some time...even 5 minutes...it will make you, a better caregiver. I promise! ❤❤❤

Why Support Groups Matter

I have a few friends, who either have walked this journey not long ago, or who are in the middle of the journey. I get a lot of the same questions. Almost daily. How do you manage? Does it get easier? Really, what were your first days like?

 

My answer is always the same. I managed, because of support groups. This has been the toughest journey, I've ever walked. And most days, feel overwhelming. But the support groups, they help so much!

 

From the beginning of our journey, our medical team, recommended joining a support group. We were lucky, in that the hospital where my Dad got treatment, had an amazing Support Group. They'd welcome us, with open arms.

The day that we got a definite Stage 4 diagnosis, we were embraced. They called in, so many people to talk with us. To comfort us. And to lend a shoulder, to cry on. The man, that was in charge of the group at the time, came to speak with us. Two days later, we were sitting in the Support Group.

Once a week, for 6 weeks, they'd have a group meeting. Lunch was always included. No one ever felt, like they had to hold back. We had various speakers, come talk to us. Doctors, nurses, religious leaders, former patients, family...anyone associated with cancer. Then they'd open up the floor, for the patients, family, and caregivers to speak.

The people who attended our support group, were amazing! At your weakest point, they were there to support you. Embrace you in hugs. Give you words of encouragement. Give you advice. It truly, saved my Mom and I. Especially, in those early days.

My Dad wasn't too happy, about going to our support group. The day of the meetings, he was usually a little grumpy. I think we only got him there, because there was a free lunch involved. But after the first session, my Dad saw how important it was, for my Mom and I. And although he wasn't over the moon about going, he didn't give us a hard time, about attending.

There were some days, that were definitely tougher than others. Whenever morality would come up, my Dad would check out. He didn't want to hear about death. It wasn't something, he wanted to talk about. And when that would happen, I'd go sit with my Dad, outside the meeting.

Looking back now, I realize it had more to do with my Dad, processing what was happening. How his life, was nearing the end. And he wasn't ready to process that...not yet. But it was a helpful group. Many of the people that attended, had been through cancer before. They were entering, their second or third battle, with this disease.

We met some truly amazing people, in that group. One woman, still comes to mind. I think about her, at least once a week. And I wonder, how her journey ended. And if she ever found peace.

You see, this woman was just a few years older than me. In her mid-thirties. She was diagnosed with an incurable breast cancer. And only had months to live. She also had 2 very small boys. When we first met her, she was so angry. Angry at God, her doctors, life in general.

We'd go to group. And without a doubt, she'd sit next to me. Every week. Commenting on little things. Like she liked my nail polish. Or thought my hair looked nice in braids. Or did I catch the latest episode, of her favorite show. And after the first meeting, I tried to have little things for her. A bottle of nail polish, a candy bar, maybe a book I'd enjoyed.

By the end of our support group session, we had developed a friendship, of sorts. She'd tell me about her fears. Of having to leave her sons. And not having any family. What would happen to her babies? Why did the cancer happen to her? What was her life going to come to? She had lived a tough life. And this, just darkened it.

She would tell me, to share her story. One day, she wouldn't be here. And no one would know, what she'd been through. I at least, knew some of her story. The parts, that she was strong enough, to talk about. The things, that weighed the most, on her heart. It was really, a heartbreaking story. Of a young mother, scared for her babies.

Our sessions ended, in the summer. But we'd still manage to see people from our support group. Everyone attended doctors' appointments, chemo, and radiation in the same buildings. And from time to time, we'd see that same lady.

Like my Dad, she'd opted to try chemo. To extend her life. Even if, it was just by a few weeks. They both knew, there was no cure. But they wanted to live, as long as possible. My Dad was at his 4th or 5th session. My Mom had stepped out, to go grab us a snack. And there she sat. The woman, that wasn't much older than I. She sat crying. Crawled up, into a ball. In the chair next to my Dad.

He'd reach out to her. Grab her hand. And tell her, "You're not in this alone. If I can do it, so can you. It's not easy. We're not lucky. But we can do this. We can do this together! We're here for you." She would continue to cry. But she'd sit up. And look at my Dad. Stare into his eyes. "Do you think so?" It was a timid voice. Something you'd imagine from a frightened child.

My Dad would struggle to get out of his char. So many tubes, coming out of everywhere. He'd give her a hug. And would promise, to be there for her. And bravely, she'd call over to the nurse, so she could begin her treatment.

We'd see her, a few more times. In the chemo room. That would be, the only time, we'd sit next to each other. But from then on, she'd wave from across the room. Put on a smile. And write a little note, to my Dad. We'd usually get it, on our way out.

It's crazy, how even in chemo, my Dad was able to inspire, comfort, and encourage someone else. By the Fall, my Dad would be struggling. We'd be in and out of the hospital. Taking time off, from chemo. Trying radiation. And we wouldn't see her, anymore.

I always wonder, what happened to our friend. One night, in the hospital, my Dad thought he'd heard her. And we'd go visit his hospital neighbor. It was someone else. But even they'd strike up a friendship. And he'd provide this twenty something, with some inspiration.

I think about those people a lot. I'd wonder, how we would have dealt, with my Dad's illness, without that group. After my Dad's death, I'd be asked back. To talk about what I'd gone through. As a caregiver. How I was dealing, with losing my Dad. And just, how I got through the days.

Lots of people, thought I was crazy. Going back. To that group. To talk. To be supportive. I'd just lost my Dad. Had I healed enough? I don't know what the right answer was. But for me, it was the right time. It helped me, in my own healing.

Those people had been there for me. And my Mom. And my Dad...when he'd let them in. It was my time, to be there for them. And it truly helped me, to heal. To pick up the pieces, and start moving forward. These people knew my story, our journey, and what we'd been though. They were walking a similar road. And I didn't have to pretend, to be OK. I could cry. I could be real. I could just be...

 

Since my Dad's death, I've attended a couple of support groups. And coming from a caregiver, I would recommend a Survivor's Group. Or a group, just for Caregivers. I've seen the need for it. Personally. And from others, who have reached out to me.

If there was anything I could tell the people at Presbyterian, it would be to start a Caregiver or Survivor Support Group. It's needed. And would be a valuable asset, to so many. It's that "after care," that is necessary. For so many people.

Support Groups, are for people, walking similar journeys. It's a place, where you don't have to worry about explaining yourself. If you've walked a similar journey, you'll understand what I mean. How many times have you been frustrated by family and friends? That just don't get it. You explain, you give details, you provide updates...and no one seems to care.

Many times, the caregiver is expected to be the strong  one. Never crying. Or letting things get to you. Then one day, you feel yourself cracking....

That is what support groups are about. Finally dealing with all those things. The things no one wants to talk about. Or deal with. Or make real...

I found, that we got so much hope, from attending our support group. Not hope, in terms of a cure. But hope, that we would all be OK. That we could take care of my Dad. My Dad, got that hope too. That after he was gone, we'd have people, that understood our situation. That would comfort us. And help us, on our journey.

And at the end of the day, our support group provided so much of that. For all of us. They made us feel, like we mattered. Our journey mattered. Our struggles, were real. I want to be that, for someone else. That is why, I go back. Every single time, that they ask. I go back.

In fact, I'd be willing to start a Support Group for Survivors and Caregivers. It's so important. And with some help, I think it would be a success. It's something that would benefit so many! And I think it's something, that no one thinks about. Until they need it.

After my Dad's passing, I didn't find a Support Group right away. I heard something on the radio one day, and I turned to a group. That was based out of a church. And it, became my saving grace. A place, where I could deal with my grief. I didn't have to be strong. Or tough. Or the leader. I could just be.

It was roughly 6 months, after my Dad's passing. My Mom was back to work. And I could go alone. And just deal. Some days, were full of tears. Some days, were about talking. Some were about listening. All were about dealing. And working through the tough stuff.

It was finally a place, were I could just be. I could deal with the anger, the heartbreak, the loneliness, the uncertainty, and the loss. It was a place, were I could just be. I could fall apart. And no one judged me. I found my strength there. In that room. With strangers. I found myself again.

With family and friends, you always hold back. Just a little. You don't want people to know, that you are broken. Inside and out. And you put up walls. You stop being, true to yourself. But in the Support Groups I was in, I could just be. I could be broken, hopeless, and afraid. And I could put myself back together, again. No one ever judged. Ever!

Do be afraid of Support Groups. You will learn how to deal, with all your emotions. You meet similar people. Who will be supportive, of your situation. You will learn, that there are people, who will support you, no matter what you've been through.

It's a place, were you can be real. And get real. With yourself. You are able to put the pieces back together again. You learn tools, that help you to deal with your days. And your emotions. And you  realize, you will be OK.

 

The fact that I was able, to be a part of a support group, helped to prepare me. For the next part of my journey. You don't always know what is coming. But this was a way, to prepare me, for the hard days, that were ahead of me.

I'm so grateful, to the staff at Presbyterian,. That started us, on this journey. They held our hands. Helped put our hearts, back into place. And allowed us, the time and space, to grieve. They helped us grow. And eventually, they helped us, put the pieces back together again.

That's why support groups are so important. It's those things, that allow us to move forward. That help us, to put the feelings, emotions, and grief...in a better place. You learn who you are. And how to deal. It helps you, to get through the day. And the week. Then the month. And before you know it, you will make it to a year. ❤❤❤

Thank You!!!

I didn't know, what I was going to write about today. Life has seemed, a little too much, as of late. I've been sick, off and on, since last March. More sick, than not. I hear, from lots of people, that it's pretty normal. As in, after you stop being the "caregiver," everything attacks. Because you are so exhausted and run down. I believe the term I keep hearing is, "Caregiver Burnout."

But I've tried to fight it. Time and time, again. I'm not that kind of person, that crawls up, and gives up. I'm more, "let me keep fighting." But sometimes, you get knocked down hard. And just need a break. I found myself, in the ER, last Saturday. For the first time, in forever! My body, screaming in pain. My heart literally, felt like someone was stabbing it. And I kept praying. Talking to my Dad, in my head. Just hoping, everything was OK.

I'm still not 100%. And I feel like I need to go see a specialist, or something. Because something is not right. I'm having more side effects, from the shots I was given. And I'm ready to feel human again. To be the person, that is doing for others. Not just "trying to make it, to the end of the day." But I want to share that with you. That not every single day, is a good day.

I think we want people to see that. That we are doing good. That life it OK. And we're moving forward. But sometimes, it's not. And we're not moving forward. And sometimes, we just need some help. Yes, I just said that. Sometimes, I NEED SOME HELP.

It's been a challenging year. I still can't wrap my brain around, the fact that it's been a year. So many things have happened in that year. So much time has passed. But it still doesn't FEEL like a year. A year without my Dad. A year without carrying all of the weight, stress, and responsibilities...that came with taking care of him. A year, without my best buddy. His love. And his companionship.

It's when I read posts like this, that take me back. When reality slaps me, in the face. When I realize, we've made it this far. We will MAKE IT! Because we have God on our side. Rory is such an inspiration, to me. On how to live life. To have the grace, that is necessary, to move forward. And how to have love in my heart, when I feel nothing inside.

After I read this post, it really got me thinking. About how grateful, and thankful, I am. To so many people. You see, I usually start writing my blog posts, the afternoon before I post them. And finish them up, in the morning. Early. When I have a clear mind. And can read, through what I've written. It gives me, a sense of calm and relief, to read through my blog post...early in the morning. Without any distractions. Just me and my words.

Then I go through my e-mails. And that usually leaves me, about an hour. To cry it out. I read every single e-mail. And they make my heart swell! With the love and prayers, that I've received. From all the corners of the internet. To hear YOUR stories. To know, that in some small way, I've made a difference, in YOUR LIVES!

It really does, make my day. I feel, like I can continue, this journey. That no matter what I'm going through, life is still moving forward. And I can somehow, inspire the next person. I can make a difference, in someone else's life. That my words, somehow make someone else's journey, just a little easier. It has touched me, in ways, that I truly, can't bring into words.

You never really understand, how during your lifetime, you spread tiny parts of your heart...all around. How you give people, little pieces of your heart. And then one day, you look up, and you see them. All those pieces. It's almost magical. When you get that "aha moment." When your eyes are opened up, for the very first time. And how you gave just a little, and got so much more, back in return.

I think about that now. Maybe it's being on "this side" of the journey. Maybe it's the growing I've done, in the last year. Maybe it's the struggles, I've walked through. But I see it now. How I've given pieces of myself, to so many. And in return, when I've needed it the very most, I've gotten them back 100 times over!

And I'm so grateful, to all the people that have touched my life. Especially, in the last year. When I've struggled the most. And NEEDED you the most. You have been here for me. The perfect strangers...you have prayed, loved, and thought about me. And my family. The people that drop off, little things. Like a meal, a card, a little something that was my Daddy's.

The people that have embraced us. That were perfect strangers. But who have seen my Mom and I, crying for my Daddy. The caring friends, we've met at the cemetery. The AMAZING people at church. The kind souls, that have paid for a meal, when we have gone out. Our family, that has completely embraced us. Friends who have never left our side.

Those people, that understand, when the world is too heavy. For us to bear. And realize, when we just shut ourselves in. I thank you! From the bottom of my heart. Because sometimes, you just don't know, how to ask for help. But you've had the patience. And have stood by our sides. Sometimes, having to carry us, along this journey.

And I realize, people just want to help. In any way, that they can. They want to help. Because at some point, we've been there for them. They respect us. They love us. And want in some way, to make our lives better. People want to feel your hurt and pain, and they want to share it. To make it less of a burden, for you. They want to take some of that hurt and pain, away from you. To help you, make these tough days, more bearable.

It's in these dark days, that I see the good in humanity. Maybe we've lost our Superman. And part of our family. But the kindness and good, that we've gotten from so many others...has carried us so far! It has given my Mom and I, the strength, when we've needed it most. When we've needed a shoulder to cry on, perfect strangers have been there for us.

I've got to say this. From the AMAZING contractors, and honestly friends, that helped us make it...to the end of last school year. THANK YOU!!! You will never understand, how much, that meant to my Mom and I. To the love and respect, that our business associates showed us, I can't say Thank You enough! You made those dark days, days that we could get through. With our heads held high.

To our friends, Thank You for the grace and love, you have shown us. For lifting us up, on the toughest of days. For being our strength. And our salvation. For the understanding you have given us, when we can't seem to leave our home. Or meet you, for breakfast. Or answer a phone call.

To our family, the ones who have stood by our sides, THANK YOU!!! In ways, that I'll never understand, we've been shown...who really loves and cares about us. I don't mean this, in a mean or hateful way. But in way, that comes from my heart. With love, kindness, and respect. My eyes have been opened up, to know what "real family" is. The people that will come, and pick you up off the ground, and love you just the same. The people, that silently pray for you, every single day. And who understand, that your world has just been shattered. And you're just looking for any way, to move forward. The family, that loves you, just because you are...you. You don't feel like, you have to put on an act. You can just be you. And they love you, for it all! The good, and the bad.

I think about all the blessings, that my Mom and I have received. It's the little things, that get us through the day. And turn our days, into weeks...then into months. And without us realizing it, we made it to a year. It's the little things. The kindness, from our Church Family. Who always, stop and give us a hug, or handshake. Wish us, a good week. Sing to us. Make us smile, when our hearts are hurting, the most. It's the kind people, we both work for. That have made this transition, a little easier. With their kindness, and love. The respect, that they continue to show us both. And the friendship, that will last a lifetime!

It's the dozens of people, who have reached out to us. That have made our world, a little easier, to live in. The kindness, in your words. And in your eyes. The people, that continue to welcome us. Who reach out, with pictures of my Dad. Or stories, that I've never heard. It's the neighbors, who continue to reach out to us. To make sure, we're OK. That our needs are being met. And that we are safe.

Our AMAZING medical team. I just can't say, enough Thank Yous! Truly I can't. For the love, respect, and kindness you have shown us. And continue to show us. How you continue to reach out, to my Mom and I. How you are our biggest cheerleaders! And realize, that my Dad's death, didn't mean that our journey ended. Thank You!!!

Truly, I'm touched, when people at the grocery store, gas station, or a restaurant...reach out to us. To all the AMAZING people, who have been behind the Love For Blue project, from the very beginning! All the amazing people, that continue to help us, grow our foundation. Those people, who have donated to us, made purchases, or have visited us at our various functions...THANK YOU!!!

From the bottom of my heart, I mean it! Thank You!!! For all the kind thoughts, e-mails, prayers...it has made this very tough journey, bearable. At times, you think you are never going to make it. Then someone reaches out. Through an e-mail, a meal, or other kind gesture...and you realize, life isn't so bad.

I know, we are blessed. But God has opened my eyes, my heart, and my soul...to so many kind people. In the darkest of days, we have so many loving people...that hold us up. I could spend my lifetime, trying to thank all of you. Trying to repay you in some way. Trying to even out, the table. But I could never do it. Because the love has poured in. In ways, I could never have imagined.

And I want you all to know, that is what our foundation, and this blog are about. Reaching the next person. Making life, a little easier, for someone else. My family has been so blessed! And we want to pass that forward. In some small way, we want you to know, you matter too. And we're thinking about you. Thank You!!! And for that person, that just isn't sure, I'm thinking about you too. I'm trying to hold you up. You matter. Your journey matters. And there are people, on your side too! ❤❤❤

Caring For The Caregivers

I know. It's the toughest job, you'll ever have. But it's also the most rewarding one, you'll ever have! And honestly, as tough as it can be at times, it's not a "job." The days are long. Sleep, is not easy. Rarely, do you have alone time. Your own needs, they come last. But you wouldn't have it any other way.

At least, that's the way I felt. I put myself, last. Every single day. Because there were more important things, that needed to be done. I've learned, most caregivers are the same way. They always put themselves last. ALWAYS!

That is why I started the Caregiver Boxes. And trying to reach out to caregivers. Because it's a tough job. One that doesn't get much, if any, glory. People aren't paying you. They're not thanking you. Most of the time, you're overlooked. And I wanted the caregivers out there, to know, they matter too!

This project, is one of my favorites. Out of everything we do. To acknowledge the caregivers. To send them a little something, that hopefully makes them smile. Brightens their day. And lets them know, they are not alone. There are other people, just like them, traveling a tough journey.

I never realized, the cost, of these boxes. I mean, I use the USPS frequently. As most of my friends, live out of town. But the cost, has added up quickly. And I now realize, I need a little help. So on this Wishful Wednesday, I'm asking for some help. For the caregivers.

My plan is, to sell some items, targeted at raising funds for our Caregiver Boxes. The "color" for caregivers is purple. So that's our next color, I'll be tackling. I want to be able, to set up a "purple area," at our sales. And I'm hoping to have everything put together, before our big Love for Blue Fundraiser, in April.

I do need some help though. I have already begun, making purple items. And I look forward, to seeing what I can create. But I'd like to be able, to sell a few of the following items...

These purple awareness bracelets, are $28 for 50. And I know, from experience, that I can sell them for $1 a piece.

These angel pins, well to me, they scream caregiver. The silent angel, that is taking care, of their loved one. They are $45 for 18. I'm sure, we can get $5-10 a piece, for these sweet pins.

These keychains, would also be a nice item, to sell. I'm sure, we could get $1-2 a piece. And the cost is, $12 for 25 keychains.

If you would like to help out our cause, you can directly purchase the items. Which would be a HUGE help! You can also choose any of the items, from this section of the website. I'll be collecting, purple items. Of any kind. Or you could make a monetary donation.

As always, we welcome any assistance, in the form of postage, gift cards, items, cards, and money. You can always contact me here at the blog, via e-mail (LoveForBlue2015@aol.com), or on Facebook. Thank You, for taking the time to read this. This cause, has such a soft place, in my heart. Happy Wednesday! ❤❤❤

Moving Forward

There are a lot of days, when even I, just want to say, "I'm done. I'm tired. I just don't want to go anymore."

Then I realize, life doesn't just end. We're all walking a tough road. Sometimes, it feels heavier, than it is. But we all have those struggles. We just need to remember, not to give up.

In the last 11 months, there have been many difficult days. But they didn't start on March 20, 2015. No. In fact, the difficult days, started years before. When we had no answers. When my Dad, was just mysteriously sick. Unable to walk. Sleeping. Sometimes, unable to communicate with us. We didn't have answers. Life just seemed a mystery.

Those were the tough days. When life was up in the air. When I'd worry, the absolute most. Because how can you devise a plan, when you don't know what you are up against?

And through it all, I had my Dad, motivating me. Telling me, we have to fight it. We have to move forward. We need to remember that.

I think about that a lot, these days. Either I become stronger, move forward, and continue his work...or I become a miserable person. I tell you this, because in the middle of his cancer battle...I needed to remind myself daily. Sometimes, hourly. Move forward. Get stronger. Keep fighting.

 

And that my friends, is what brings me here. I couldn't ever start to process my grief, if I didn't deal with it. It's not easy. I find myself crying, a lot. Sometimes without realizing it. Something triggers me. Just the other day, I sat in the library, watching this elderly lady. From afar, she reminded me of my Dad. The childlike man, he became, near the end. And I sat there crying, for well over an hour.

Until she left the library. And another kind lady, came to sit with me. To ask if I was OK. Because that's what happens. It hits, from out of nowhere. But you must deal with it. You have to stare it down. And say, "I'm never going to forget my loved one. But I need to become a stronger person. If not for them. For me. I need to be able, to function every single day."

I say this. And I've been where you are. I've been that person, that received that news. That felt like they had been punched in the gut. I still remember when my Dad was first diagnosed. And trying to stay strong. For everyone. And silently, falling apart. Feeling like, life was never going to be the same again.

And in reality, it wasn't. But if I would have stayed in that place, I would have never have been able, to be there for my Dad. I wouldn't have been able to take care of him. To meet his needs. To allow our relationship to grow. To love him. And to make memories.

 

I know, this entire battle can be tough. It is very tough. And scary. Sometimes, overwhelming. If you are the person battling cancer, remember you are tough. You can do this. You've got to "keep your head in the game." But you can do it. If you are the caregiver, you are strong. Much stronger, than you can imagine. Honestly, one day you will look back, and wonder where your strength came from. And how it got you, through all of your journey.

 

I still look back, and think, "How did I make it? How am I still functioning? Where did this strength come from?" Honestly, I don't think I'll ever completely understand that. But it's part of life. And your team, they will provide, so much strength. Honestly, I can't even begin to tell you. Our nurses, doctors, and other team members...were constant "Fountains of Strength," for me.

 

And if you are family and friends, don't doubt yourselves. Love hard. As hard as you can. If you have an idea to call, visit, take someone some food...do it. Do it all! Make those memories. Don't be afraid. You'll always appreciate the memories, later down the road.

 



When I first came across this quote, I immediately thought of my Dad. I printed it out. And I gave it to him. It's still in his wallet. He had been sick. And no one knew, what was wrong. It had been months. Many doctors, trips to the hospital, and countless tests.

The sicker he got, the more trips to the hospital, the more fear I had...the more I thought of these words. I'd end up printing this. And framing it. It traveled with us, many times, to and from the hospital.

And I look at it, for strength. Thinking to myself, if he can do it, so can I. There were times, when my Dad couldn't eat. Or walk. Sometimes talk. But he ALWAYS fought back. It showed me, to never give up. No matter the battle, we always have a way to fight back. ALWAYS!!!

I think of this a lot. Maybe it was the first time we went to our Support Group. Or when we first met, the team, that would carry us on our journey. Maybe it was the first time, we knew it was Stage 4 Colon Cancer. But life, had forever changed. I knew that, deep in my soul. And I had to embrace, the next chapter.

Life would forever change. The somewhat "simple" life we had. And we needed to appreciate it. We needed to acknowledge, that our new journey, was laid out for us. We had time with my Dad. And we needed to take advantage of it. All of it. The good, and the bad.

More than that, we needed to prepare, for what was up ahead. The struggle, of this journey. The heartbreak, that would lay ahead. And how we'd pick up the pieces, and continue to move forward. We had to remember all of this, while fighting the fight.

There is always life, after cancer. Sometimes, we are lucky. And our loved one, or us, beat the beast. Sometimes, we are facing life, without them. But our life will be, forever changed. Cancer has a way of doing that. We will all come out of this journey, changed. Stronger for sure. And maybe, with more questions, than answers. But for all of us, touched by cancer, we must remember...to keep moving forward. ❤❤❤

Caregiver Boxes

On this Wishful Wednesday, I want to talk a little bit about caregivers. It's a tough job. A selfless job. And usually a job, that goes without payment. Most caregivers are family members. And they take care of their loved one, simply because they love them.

It is also a lonely place to be. I know this. First hand. You might see other people, during your day. But you feel very alone. Isolated. And it can wear on a person. Without you realizing it.

I used to see countless people, in any given day. Nurses, doctors, therapists, employees of my Dad's, occasionally family, neighbors, and even my Mom. But it didn't matter. Very few of them, really cared. Really wanted to know, how I was doing. Wanted to know, what was really behind my, "I'm OK."

And more times than not, it was the professionals. It was our HomeCare nurse. It was a therapist. It was a staff member, at some appointment, that we were at. Many times, as my Dad received radiation, I got a little "counseling," from a nurse. A shoulder to cry one. Someone to finally listen.

I know, this must sound crazy! Especially, not being able to talk to my Mom. But it was the truth. My Dad bore his soul to me. He told me his secrets. He didn't want other people to know. And it didn't matter, that the three of us lived together. He was trying to protect her.

So I carried all of this. I was worn down. Tired. Exhausted, actually. I drove my Dad to appointments, made sure none of our appointments overlapped, I stayed with him at chemo and radiation. I was the person that ran all over town, looking for medications, supplements, supplies, groceries, and equipment. I talked to the nurses. Gave my Dad his medications. Willed him to eat, when he refused. Cleaned him up, when his ostomy bag, would come apart. I stood up with him at night, when he couldn't sleep. And all he wanted to do was talk.

It was me. And it was tough. He was not always willing, to go to appointments. Or would get mad, when his ostomy bag, would make a mess. He HATED not being able to drive. I listened to complaints. I dealt with the bad appointments. I held him when he cried. And we talked about so much.

And maybe that's why my passion is here. In this foundation. Trying to reach out. Because it was a struggle. One that would leave me crying, uncontrollably, on the floor of the shower. My only 5 minutes of the day, to really let it all out. And I don't want others to feel this way. I want them to know, there are people out there, that are grateful. They appreciate every single thing, you are doing. They are standing behind you. I know I am!

The idea of "Caregiver Boxes," came to me in the Fall. I had a friend, who walked a very similar journey. And she also lost her dad, to cancer. I wanted to do something for her. Send her a "Hug in a Box." A little bit of sunshine.

 

I came across this picture. I don't remember if I did a search on Google, or Pinterest. But I thought, this looks like a nice idea. With $20 in my pocket, I headed to the Dollar Tree. I ultimately send a package, that my friend and her son, could share. There was candy, a few toys, silly string, nail polish, socks, stickers, and some snacks. Just some stuff, that would make their day, a little brighter.

 

It really sparked my interest. And I was able to send 4 boxes, last year. I would like to continue this. A way to reach, the caregivers out there. And it doesn't always have to be a box of stuff. I sent a $20 movie gift card, to a lady in Texas. Who was really struggling.

 

After the holidays, I got a note in the mail. Telling me, "Thank You. I really needed a little time out on my own. It was nice to go out, and have a good laugh. For just a second, I forgot about all my responsibilities. When I got back home, I realized, doing something for me...made me a better caregiver. Thank You!"

 

That really touched my heart. In ways I could never have imagined. And I realized, I needed to do this more. I wanted to do this more. I understood what she had said. And being on this side of things now, I wish someone had reached out to me. Given me, a chance to get out. And do something, to take my mind off of, all the heavy stuff I was going through.

 



 I have found other ideas since. I try and send out Fun Mail as much as possible. But I want to start a "Caregiver of the Month," box. And that's where I need your help. A little gift card...$10-20 to a movie, dinner, or something like that. Maybe some small objects, that I can send in the mail. Or even a little financial help, to pay for postage. Because, we all know how expensive that is!

I found this graphic, and it made me smile. I'd really like to send a caring person, a little bit of sunshine. Like I said, I want to try and make this a monthly thing. But I do need help in two ways. One, I need to know about the caregivers out there. Please send me a message or e-mail (loveforblue2015@aol.com) telling me about your caregiver.

And obviously, I need some help financially, or through gift cards, to make this happen. If I can remember correctly, my other boxes I've sent...cost around $35. I spent $20, plus tax buying items. And around $13 to send them, through USPS. My goal, is to try and raise $50 a month. The gift card option, is much cheaper. In I think I spent $20 on a gift card. And under a dollar for a card, and stamp.

I hope that if you are reading this, you see how a little something, can make a HUGE difference! Not just for the caregiver receiving the package. But for the person they are caring for. In terms, that their caregiver has now been refreshed. And probably feels like, they can take on more, without feeling so stressed. ❤❤❤

Caregivers

Caregivers are a special breed of humanity. They do so much. Behind the scenes. When no one else is around. When no one else would think of it. They're doing it.

November is National Caregivers Month. And I honestly think, without these selfless people, many sick individuals...well, they just wouldn't make it. Have you ever known a caregiver? Taken the time, to watch them? Or noticed the look in their eyes?

I have. I've watched many caregivers. In my line of work, it was one of the things, that always fascinated me. To watch this person, give everything, to the person they were caring for. Making sure, the person they were caring for ate, slept, was cleaned up, happy, and comfortable. It didn't matter, that they hadn't slept well, the night before. Or if they really could remember the last thing, they shoved down their throat. Who knows, when they last sat down, and ate a real meal. It's a miracle, if they find the time to shower. Rarely, are they comfortable. Everything, is about the person, they are taking care of.

Many people don't notice. Not during the time, that they are a caregiver. They don't see, how difficult it is, to just get through their day. They just know, that they have to get through it. And they do it. With love, care, and respect.

I was lucky, to watch a few caregivers, before my Dad got real sick. I watched them. Studied what they did. And made mental notes. On the really tough days, I would think about those little things. And I prayed a lot. A LOT! Folks, it's how I got through most of my days. I prayed.

Thinking back, I'm not 100% sure, how I did it all. Or how I thought, I could do it forever. Or even, how I survived the tough days. But when you are "in it," you just know, you have to do it. You have to be there. Present in every single second. No matter what your needs are, the other person's are greater.

It was a tough time. I never realized it, at the time. Only now. When I step back, and look at every single thing, I had to go through. But one thing is for certain, if the need arose again, I'd be there. 100%! And if my Dad had needed care, for 10 years. I would have done it. I would do it, for longer. Because that's the kind of love, I have for him.

Caregivers don't always feel the love. They don't understand, everything that is happening. Or why it is happening. They just know, there is someone that needs help. And they want to be that person. Who gives the help.

I think back, to friends that have had to care for their sick kids. Or sick spouse. I think about aunts who have cared for their spouse, parent, or loved one. I watched cousins, care for their parent or grandparent. I've seen perfect strangers, care for their sick child. Or sick parent. The same qualities come, across the board. Patients, caring, kindness, selflessness, and compassion.

It's a tough road. A tough life. And often, a duty that goes unnoticed. Caregivers, can often times, get "lost" in their new role. Forget about themselves. About their own health, well-being, and needs. Some can become depressed. And others, just forget, there is life outside the other person's needs.

Remember, to Thank a caregiver. If you have one in your life, surprise them. With a visit. Maybe suggest, that you take their role, for an hour. And let them take a nap, go for a walk, or just have some alone time. If that isn't possible, show up with a small gift. Or maybe a meal. Offer to help with laundry, cleaning, or some other chore.

I think about this a lot. I know, I will NEVER look at another caregiver, in the same way. I'll ALWAYS, want to extend a hand. Let the other person know, I'm here. It can, at times, feel like a lonely club. But it is one, that I'm most proud to be in. To know, I've given so much of myself, to help another person. Just remember that, the next time, you see a caregiver. They're probably giving everything they have, to that person, they are taking care of. EVERY. SINGLE. THING! ❤❤❤