For the Caregivers

I'm going to refer back to Sunday's post. I talk with lots of people. Going through cancer. Taking care of someone with cancer. Loving through cancer. The one thing, that everyone ALWAYS asks about...what would you do differently?

Honestly, I wouldn't change most, of what I went through. I gave it, everything I had. And then some. I tried, with every single part of my being, to take care of my Dad. To make him comfortable. And happy. But along the way, I lost me. I lost my sparkle. I lost my spirit.

That would be one thing, I'd tell my fellow caregivers. Don't lose yourself. Always be there. Present. In what you are doing. Love it. But also, love yourself. Take some time. Ask for some help. Allow yourself, a second to just be.

If I could do it all over again, that's what I'd change. It's not dramatic. I wouldn't save the world. I'd just take some time for me. To be honest, there was a time, when I just stopped. I stopped going to church. I don't know, if I just couldn't deal. If going to church, was too much. Or if it was just me, struggling with my situation. Tired. Or me, wondering why God was putting all of us, through all of this...

But I'd get up, and get my Dad ready. I'd help my Mom get him, to church. They'd go to mass, and to breakfast. For me...those 2 hours were my time to sleep. Honestly. It may sound so selfish. But at the time, it is what I needed. I'd sleep. Take a shower. And usually do laundry. It wasn't dramatic. Or exciting. Or life changing. It usually went very quickly.

If I walked this road again, I'd take more of that time. Not necessarily skipping church. Because I NEED that, in my life. And as things dramatically changed 15 months ago, I would just do without sleep. Because I NEEDED church.

Maybe if I could do it again...I'd ask someone for help. I'd ask a family member, or some friends to come over. Or meet my parents for dinner. Something, to allow me a few hours a week...to just be me. It would have helped my spirit. And probably my soul. No doubt, it would have helped my ability, to deal with everything that was happening at the time.

But as well as I know myself, you are probably the same. You probably don't give yourself, 5 minutes to just be. I know that feeling. You sleep, but you don't rest. You are ALWAYS listening, for your loved one. You eat...but you are pretty sure, you haven't enjoyed a meal...in a very long time! You can't remember the taste, of the last thing you ate. Because you eat so quickly. I know that feeling! I also remember, not even allowing myself to use the bathroom in peace. No matter if we were in the hospital, or at home. I'd run in and out. And I'm pretty sure, I stressed my bowels out too.

My one bit of advice, is just to slow down. Take time for you. It might seem very selfish. And whoever is judging you, probably isn't worth having in your life. Be kind to yourself. It's really, the only thing I can tell you.

I know, you want to control everything. You don't want to miss a second. You want to be there. But sometimes, you just need a little time "off." And that is OK. Do you hear me? It is OK. Take some time...even 5 minutes...it will make you, a better caregiver. I promise! ❤❤❤

It Will Not Last Forever

I chat with a few people online. People who are traveling a similar journey, to the one that I've been on. People who are in the beginning, or middle, of this journey. And I can understand that overwhelming feeling, that they all have. That at any second, they will BREAK!

When you are in the beginning, you are sure, you can beat it. If you are the caregiver, you are certain that there will be a cure. You are the shining light, of the entire operation. You sing like a bluebird, just to let your loved one, it's going to be OK.

By the time you get to that middle stage, you are just hanging on. Many times, you just want to curl up in bed, and cry. You see, how fast your loved one, is fading away. But you are still trying to cheer them on. No matter how difficult it is. No matter how many tears, you shed. Or how many times, they take all their anger, out on you. You are still trying to hang onto...some hope.

I think a lot about this now. What a way, to start an "Inspirational Sunday" post. But it's the truth. Somewhere along the way, we all start to lose ourselves. We start to lose hope. And purpose. We are still our loved ones biggest cheerleaders. And advocates. Heck, don't mess with our sick loved one. We make Momma Lions, look like cute kittens.

But we lose ourselves. In the process. And we're sure, we are never going to be the same again. Truth is, we aren't. We will never be the same...as the pre-cancer, carefree people, we once were. No matter what happens, our lives have changed. Forever! And there is, no going back.

I say this, sitting on this side of the journey. Still healing. But totally raw. The cancer didn't just happen to my Dad. It happened to me. To my Mom. To our friends. And to our families. There will forever, be pieces that are missing. People that couldn't take it. And people, that have left our lives.

But beyond those outward parts, that are affected...we are forever changed. Forever! Nearly 13 months, after my Daddy's passing, I'm starting to gain back...some of my pre-cancer self. The sleep, is coming a little easier. I'm taking time, to exercise. And eat better. I find myself, caring a little more about what I wear. If my hair is combed. And every once in a while, I reach for my makeup.

Those are things, I didn't care about before. Like reading, watching a movie, or just sitting with my thoughts. Before, I couldn't even hear myself think. Or pray. Or just be. My entire mind, body, and soul...were on overdrive. Not just trying to help my Dad. But trying to survive. I completely lost touch, with all those things, that had once made me happy.

No matter what your outcome is...if your loved one survives...or goes with the Lord. You will be changed. Make it a positive change. I look back on my friends, who experienced this with their infant daughter. Their journey has been much longer. Nearly 10 years. And once a year, I still see the panic in their eyes. As their little girl, goes for her checkup. The cancer changes everyone.

What I'm here to tell you is, you will survive. As a caregiver. As a family member. As a friend. You will survive. It's a difficult journey. You will change. The world, will look different to you. You will learn what is truly important. You will stop tolerating all the crap in your life. You will change. Make it for the better.

If you would have asked me, 15 months ago...how I was. I would have told you "Fine." The reality is, I wasn't. I was trying not to drown. In the world around me, I was just trying to survive. Just trying to make sure, my Dad was OK. Not in pain. His needs being met. His healthcare in line. That he was doing good. I was drowning...

It's something, I would not have shared with anyone. It's something, I buried deep in my soul. It's something I'd cry about, at the bottom of the shower. I was not OK. I didn't know, how I'd survive another day.

13 months ago, I was a mess. Trying to keep everyone up. Talking to people. Being their cheerleaders. and support system. Making sure, they were OK. Meanwhile, my 32 year old self, couldn't comprehend what life would throw at me next. How would we survive this? What else could possibly happen?

The truth is, time is what I needed. As cliché as that sounds. I needed time. Time needed me. I needed to see what people around me, were really about. Were they there, for the right reasons? Were they people, I could count on? Were they weighing me down...or holding me up?

For a very long time, I've shouldered so much of this. So much pain, heartache, and suffering had happened in my lifetime. So very much! And along the way, it was the same people. Every single time, it was the same people.

When I finally made those choices, to walk away, it was freeing. It is, what I needed in my life. To walk away. To not feel that burden. That load. To feel like, I had to put on a "face," just to deal. Because that is what life had been...

These days, are still a challenge. But I find myself, dealing better. Dealing with emotions. Dealing with my grief. Dealing with...well everything. But it doesn't feel half as overwhelming, as it once did. The middle part of our journey, was the toughest part! By far, the toughest...and loneliest part.

I'm here to tell you, it won't last forever. It really won't. Take some time, for yourself. And for your loved one. Make the memories. Crawl into their hospital bed, with them. Hold them, when they are scared. Talk to them. Share stories. Make memories.

Life is too short. This journey, is too short. I know it doesn't feel like it now. But it is. I promise you. It feels like, it was a million years ago...for me. Not just 13 months ago. What I wouldn't give, for one more of those days. As completely overwhelming as they felt. As hopeless, as some days were. I'd give anything, for one more day with my Daddy. Just to hear his words, see his smile, and hold his hand.

It will not last forever. Cherish it, while you can. One day, you will wake up, and miss those days... ❤❤❤

Do You Craft?

Do you craft? Any kind of craft. Making cards, sewing, jewelry making, wood working, wreath making, knitting, painting...anything at all! We are looking for donations. To be sold at our Love for Blue Fundraiser. And if they're not sold there, to be added to our Etsy Shop on May 1, 2016.

What kind of items are we looking for? Anything. Honestly. As long as it's some shade of blue. To go towards our Love For Blue project. Or anything in purple. To benefit our Caring for the Caregivers project. Here are a few examples, of what we're looking for. But honestly, we'll accept any donation.

Tutus of any style, are always a good thing. I'm yet to meet a little girl, who doesn't want to dress up. And they really are fun items.  In the past, I've made similar items. As well, as the ones you stuff with petals, pom poms, and bells.

 

Hair bows. I can't tell you, how many times I'm asked for these. And I have no clue, how to make them. I guess I could look up a Youtube video. But I am by no means a "Bow Master." Do you know of anyone who makes bows? I'd even be happy, to buy some!

Headbands. Oh, headbands...how the masses love you! I make the ones with flowers. And my Mom crochets different appliques for them too. But I know, there are "Master Headband" makers out there. Again, I'd totally be willing to buy some...

 

Do you sew? Do you know how much I struggle, to find little boy items to sell? I'd love something like this! I once, made two very similar items. For my friends' sons. But a gal, can't do it all on her own....

Aprons, oh how I love thee! And so do, many of our customers. I'm ALWAYS asked for aprons. Full aprons, half aprons, kid aprons...they want it all! Do you sew?

Jewelry is ALWAYS a big seller. Something I've wanted to learn how to make. For a long time. But do I really have those kinds of skills? I don't know. Do you make jewelry. Of any kind. We could definitely use some! We have the cancer jewelry, that was donated. But lots of people are looking for handmade baubles.

 

Do you crochet? Would you like to donate a little item. A hat, stuffed toy, or maybe a baby blanket. We'd take it all! I know my Mom and I eat, sleep, and do everything else...with a crochet hook in our hands. But even we, can only make so many items!

 

Honestly, anything you can think of, we'd accept. Embroidered towels, crochet purses, bow holders, painted boxes, handmade dresses. Whatever your talent is, we'd love to have a piece of you handcrafted goods...to add to our shop.

 

If you'd like to make a donation leave me a comment, send me an e-mail (LoveForBlue2015@aol.com), or contact me on Facebook. Also, if you'd like to donate materials, we'd happily accept them too! ❤❤❤

 



Prepare Early

From experience, I would say prepare yourself early. For safety reasons. You see, my Dad was a proud man. Very independent. Going to the doctor, was a struggle. A real struggle. But after December 2010, he went monthly. And it was regular. Nothing we'd have to argue with him about.

Going to the hospital, was a different story. Completely different. And when we left the hospital, after the holidays that year, we'd be sent home with a walker. A traditional walker. My Dad would not have anything to do with it. And it would sit in our washroom, for nearly 2 1/2 years. Unused.

We didn't really need it. Not at the time. My Dad, was doing OK. And I mean, OK. He wasn't doing great. There were real life struggles. Every single day. He struggled to walk, some days. His knee, bothered him a lot. He lost his balance, from time to time. But he was doing OK.

In May 2013, everything changed. As soon as the school year would end, my Dad's health would quickly fade. And it was my Mom and I, taking care of my Dad. Alone. Honestly, we thought he'd had a stroke. He just wasn't himself. And he could barely get around. Sitting up, at times, was a real struggle.

This would have been the time, I would have thanked Jesus, for some of that safety equipment. My cousin would bring us a transfer belt. But my Dad would cry, anytime he saw us bring it out. It didn't hurt him. He just didn't want us to use it. I think he saw it, as a sign of bad things...

So my Mom and I would struggle. And struggle we did. From the time my Dad would wake up in the morning. It would take the two of us, to get him out of bed. And our trusty old walker...finally got some use. One of us, would stand in front of it. Holding it steady. And the other, behind my Dad. And we'd "shuffle" our way around the house. To the bathroom, to the living room, sometimes outside.

The one thing I was grateful for, was my auntie had given us, some of my uncle's equipment. It had sat, unused in our home, for about 4 months. My uncle had past away, months before. And we had a wheelchair. It was a more compact version. They used it for traveling. And well, in our old home...the doorways are narrow. This worked perfectly! I could put my Dad, in the wheelchair, and get him...where he wanted to go.

On those tough days, we'd put my Dad in the wheelchair. Then use the transfer belt, to secure him. Because he couldn't even sit up. Some days were so tough. Honestly, it was a lot of carrying him around. Picking him up. Helping him, into the wheelchair. Then having to maneuver the wheelchair, over the steps in our home.

We also had one of those chairs, that goes over the toilet. But my Dad refused to use it. We did convince him, to use a shower chair. I'd help get my Dad into the shower. And my Mom would bathe him. Then I'd help them get out. And we'd get my Dad dressed.

My Dad would make an improvement, over that summer. When he had some blood transfusions, had been hospitalized, and was being watched over...by better doctors. But it was still tough. There were still days, when he'd fall. Fall from a sitting position. Or couldn't get out of bed. He'd fall on the ground. In the middle of the night. And it was pure strength and will, on my Mom and I's part. Sometimes, it would take an hour. To get him from a laying position, to sitting, eventually up to his wheelchair. And then another hour, to get him into bed.

Looking back, it wasn't a good idea. We were literally killing ourselves. I'm still struggling, with back issues now. For over 2 years, I would pick up my Dad. Lots of times, by myself. I really wish, I had had tools, in those early days...to make it easier.

After my Dad was hospitalized in March 2014, we got HomeCare. And PT came with that. They'd teach my Dad, how to help me. Especially, when he would fall onto the ground. They'd try, to help me, as much as possible.

At this point, my Dad was using his walker. Regularly. And we'd been trying, to get a four wheeled walker. I would purchase a better shower chair. We'd have a bar, in the bathroom. And PT, would evaluate our home. They'd let us know, what we needed.

My Dad was never OK, with having the "traditional bars," placed in our home. There was no permanent bars in the shower, or by the toilet. We could have used those. We also could have used, a removable shower head. Something that would have made bathing him, a lot easier.

It would take us, over 6 months, to be approved for that four wheeled walker. We'd NEVER be approved for a wheelchair. And it would take my Dad, falling out of bed...just weeks before his death, to get a hospital bed.

Was it tough? Yes! Did it take a long time? Yes! Was it mostly do to insurance approvals? YES! In fact, when we got the four wheeled walker...it was our doctors, "strong arming" the insurance company. They'd tell them, we'd remain in the hospital, until we got one. So the bill could be hundreds of dollars...or thousands. It was up to them. The next day, a brand new walker, was delivered to our hospital room.

The hospital bed...was a long story. It was recommended since January 2015. We did not receive it, until the second week of March 2015. After my Dad had a seizure, and rolled out of bed. Knocked unconscious. And sent back to the hospital. Again, our doctors would fight with our insurance company. Which ironically, was with the hospital. They'd keep my Dad, until the bed was delivered. Literally, one night they came to our home at 9PM. Set up the bed, gave me a phone number, in case we had problems. And left. I'd never hear from them again. But we'd bring my Dad home, at 10PM. That same night.

It's not that our insurance company was horrible. But there are a lot of claims out there. Our first walker was delivered quickly, because my Mom and I, called a federal health agency. We felt like my Dad, wasn't receiving the care he should. If you ever feel that way, do the same. In about a five year period, we'd call them three times. And they'd immediately help us. While we were in the hospital, or at home. In December 2010 I think our poor care, was partly because my Dad was hospitalized days before Christmas, to just after New Year's.

But once we reported them, things moved quickly. Tests were done. All the supplies we'd need, became available. We were able to meet with specialists. It was like, we had been sprinkled with magic dust. The wheels on the operation moved efficiently, after that report.

Later that month, we'd sign up for health insurance, with our hospital. And things would improve. Drastically. We'd get a better doctor. We were able to see specialists. In fact, my Dad would have 3 surgeries between December 2010 and March 2014. His healthcare, was improving.

But insurance companies, are still insurance companies. They still don't want to have to approve everything. We had AMAZING doctors, that ALWAYS fought for us. They'd personally get on the phone, and fight it out. With insurance companies, equipment companies, whoever they needed to. Our HomeCare nurse and physical therapist, would do the same.

Without these people, it would never have been done. But I know, we could have started the process sooner, than we did. Even if my Dad didn't want it. It would have made us more prepared. Because one day, he could be perfectly fine. Then next, he couldn't do anything for himself.

Our stress levels, would have also been better. We could have had one less thing, to worry about. And probably avoided, hurting ourselves, in the process. If you are in the same boat, don't wait. As soon as you notice your loved one struggling, tell your doctor.

Let your medical team help you. That's what they're there for. Describe to the doctor or nurse, how your loved one is struggling. Or maybe you are worried about their safety. All of those things, will help your case. Especially, if your loved one is receiving PT.

I just say, to start early. Prepare yourself, for everything and anything. We could have used safety equipment, months before we got it. We could have used a hospital bed, at least a year, before we got it. The "training" we got, from our medical team, could have happened earlier. It helped my Mom, learn how to pick up my Dad. It taught my Dad, how to help us.

Lessons Learned. That's how I'd describe this. But it's definitely an experience, that I'd like to save you from. Get the equipment as early as possible. Find a room or closet, to house it. Until you need it. It's better to have it, on hand. Then to be in the middle of some storm, without the items you need. Waiting for insurance companies to approve your doctor's referral. And supply companies, struggling to find what you need. ❤❤❤

Vegetarians and Colon Cancer

When I read this article, I was shocked! Because most people assume, vegetarians are healthy people. Actually, when I went through my professional training, I learned this is not true. It was something I realized, very quickly. But it is still something, that many people believe.

This study, was still shocking to me. Vegetarians are at a higher risk, for developing colon cancer? You always hear how meat, red meat consumption in particular, is linked to colon cancer. So how in the world, could vegetarianism, be linked too?

Well, it goes back to that thing called "inflammation." Which is bad, for a number of health issues. A leading cause, for many diseases. In this study, unsaturated omega-3 and omega-6 fatty acids, seem to be the trigger.

While I was working and going to college, we'd study many things like this. A positive, to going to a university, that focused on agriculture. One that worked closely, with our food consumption, in the United States. And you'd be shocked, by how many studies we'd do, that would find similar things.

Most diseases that we studied, were studied at the cellular level. Meaning that we'd study how the body's cells, reacted to different situations. What made, our cells change? And how did they change? What would happen to a cell, when it was influenced, by an outside trigger. Like diet, food additives, pesticides, disease, inflammation. Most of the time, we were looking for triggers. Because the links, between certain diets and diseases, were already established. We wanted to know, how and why things happened.

In my opinion, a well balanced, healthy diet is still supreme. Eliminating any food group, has risks associated with it. Yes, I practice Meatless Mondays. And try to keep my sugar consumption, relatively low. I just find this study, to be extra shocking.

At the end of the day, it is your right, to eat whatever you'd like. But just don't forget that fiber! Think about keeping most of your plate, packed with colorful fruits and vegetables. But it's still important, to eat protein. This study, is just another example of that. ❤❤❤

A Friend Like Her

I'm one of the those people. That lost touch, with everyone I went to high school with. What you don't always understand, at the time, is that those people...they've gone through some big changes with you. You have history. And in some ways, they will always be in your life. You will always, carry a piece of them. After all, for a very vital part of your life, you were friends.

A couple of years ago, I reached out to a few of those people. Via Facebook. I was curious, about them. And their lives. Girls I had cheered with. Friends I'd studied with. People, that I spent so much time with. It wasn't like we were chatting every single day. Or even calling each other on the phone. We were Facebook friends. A far cry, from spending hours and hours together...like we had done 10 years before. We'd read each others' posts. But it wasn't like we were planning vacations together.

When my Dad past away, a friend reached out to me. Unlike most, she called. And we talked. It truly, meant the world to me. As my world was crumbling around me, she was there to talk to. To make me laugh, at the memories we shared. Amber and her parents, would send the most beautiful flowers. In a gorgeous vase. That my Mom and I, still use pretty often.

Amber has become one of those people, that have helped us, in our fundraising efforts. She works for a company, that prints things like T-shirts, bags, and other stuff like that. If you are involved in sports, you know what I mean. They are the people, that become your best friends.

Although I have a cousin, that does similar things, my friend has opened up her arms. And her heart, to us, and our foundation. You see, a year ago, I was trying to track my cousin down. To print us, some T-shirts. Maybe a banner or two. And my friend, offered to help me.

In a very short amount of time, I had a big box delivered to our home. Filled with T-shirts, for our fundraiser. Exactly how my Mom wanted them. And this year, when I dropped the ball in February, Amber rescued me. Yet again. Sending our order to be printed, just this past week.

Amber is so amazing to work with. And she really is an amazing friend. That I hope to have for life. Even if I don't answer calls, get on Facebook just a few times a month, or go MIA...my girl has my back! I'm pretty darn lucky.

My friend, is still the genuine girl, I went to school with. The one that made me laugh, when I needed to laugh. The person, that walked many of the same paths, as I. It saddens my heart, that we lost so many years, of friendship. But it always makes me smile, when I check her Facebook page. To see her three kiddos. All happy, just like their momma.

I can't wait, to see what our T-shirts look like this year. Or the other goodies, that we're cooking up. Things that we can sell all year long. Because, I'm pretty sure...I hear the Growers' Market calling my name! And maybe a couple of T-shirts, bracelets, and bags...might make their way to our tables.

When you do fundraisers like ours, it's a lot of grassroots, kind of work. And it isn't possible, without people like Amber. That have your back. Help you, to get the best possible products. So that you can turn around, and raise some funds. I'm lucky to have a cousin, that does this kind of work. I know I can call him, at any time.

But it's also nice, to have a friend that does it too. That loves my Dad, the way she does. We have a lot of history together. Amber and I. Years or cheerleading. And school. And just being friends. If you ever need anything printed up, I'd say call Amber! She is amazing to work with! ❤❤❤

Future of Love for Blue

I get a ton of questions, concerning our foundation. And our upcoming fundraiser. So I thought, today would be a good day, to address them.

Where do I see our foundation going? I see it growing. Slowly, but surely. Like a little bird. My Dad always enforced that. "Things take time. And nurturing. And loving." That's how I see this foundation. It's not a job for me. It's something I work on, because I'm passionate about it. I see my Dad's vision. What he wanted. And what he believed in. We talked a lot about it, before his death. And I know exactly, how he wanted his foundation to look.

Short term goals, are simple. Keep moving forward. This year's fundraiser, I'm hoping is more successful than last year's. I don't know how it will go. I just have hopes. I hope there are a few more faces there. I hope we raise a bit more money. And I hope, it continues to grow. Slowly, I think word of mouth will spread. I've contacted news and radio stations. Put up flyers. Advertised on social media. And I hope each year, gets a little bit bigger.

But no one can be certain. Heck, I just talked to some friends of my Dad. They had no clue, that he had past away. And honestly, it happens more than you'd think. So many people, 13 months later, still don't know. So as far as the growth of our fundraiser, I think it will be a slow process.

Another short term goal would be, to reopen our Etsy shop in May. I've put it on "vacation," while we prepare for our fundraiser. But I do hope, to get it back up. And make it a success. It's a ton of work! And mostly, I have items on there, for local people to look at. Then I hand deliver our items. It helps with the bottom line.

I want to grow our Fun Mail and Caring for the Caregiver projects. Both take money, time, and donations. I would like to be able to send more mail, to patients. And to be able to send some sort of package, to a caregiver...every week. Instead of once a month. I have a stack, of people who have been nominated for both.

The Grower's Market is another goal of mine. I'm anxious, to get that going again. We did really well, last season. It's a ton of work. Lots of commitment. And means I'm busy selling, twice a week. Spending the rest of the week, creating items to sell. And for this year, we have more items. Stocked up. I'm also having T-shirts, tote bags, and caps made. Anything to sell. And help us grow our foundation.

As far as long term goals, it's mostly to grow what we've started. Hopefully, getting more sponsors. Either for materials, fees for permits, items like our T-shirts...things like that. I've already been talking to people about next year's fundraiser. Local businesses and such. And surprisingly enough, I've got more donations lined up for next year, than I do for this year. :)

Another long term goal, would be to grow our scholarship fund. There is such a NEED for it! And we hope, to grow our Ernest T. "Blue" Sena Jr. Memorial Scholarship, to $1000. For the 2016-2017 school year. I'm also hopeful, that we can raise enough money, to grow our Field Trip Scholarship. To $1000 a semester. So many of the schools we serviced, still call me....

I'd also like to add, some online sales. I've talked with a few companies. And hope to start successful partnerships soon. A little hint...there will be jewelry, bags, and some makeup. But that's the only hint you get. Until I can solidify some more details.

Eventually, we'd like to completely pay, for a family to attend the Cancer Services of New Mexico retreat. Twice a year. We were given the chance to go...although my Dad was hospitalized. And we ended up, not attending. It's such a GREAT event! And this is a goal, that I'm working towards. I'd also like, to be able to make some substantial donations, towards colon cancer research. I'm so passionate about that!

Overall, we're a "grassroots" type of group. It's all about pounding the pavement, doing the hard work, and slowly growing our foundation. There are lots of big goals, that I have. But it's the little steps, that will get us there. Lots of hard work, sweat, and love...is poured into Love for Blue! ❤❤❤